The following series is a window into the growth process the Lord has taken me through following my termination as a North American Mission Board summer intern. The Kansas church plant that I served will not be named, but will affectionately be called "Wormwood Church". I write these posts because it is important for Christians to learn to discern truth from error. At the same time, it is not my place to attack this church specifically. Paul writes to the church in Rome: "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." I was responsible as a member of this church to hold them to the truth, but as an outsider I cede that responsibility to those who remain.
"This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." - James 1:19
I love the book "The Green Letters" and would recommend it to anyone. Miles Sanford uses a fantastic analogy in the second chapter concerning Christian growth. Consider the mighty oak tree. A strong oak tree requires many years of growth. Science has taught us that the growth of the oak tree occurs in phases. For three months of the year an oak tree develops a new ring of pulpy flesh; the oak tree grows outward. The other nine months of the year, this ring is strengthened; the growth solidifies. This is comparable to the Christian life. We too go through cycles of rapid growth followed by solidification.
Right now is a major outward growth time for me. There are multiple conjectures I could make from this statement. One of which is that these lessons will probably be solidified in my life over the next year as I learn a new language in a foreign land.
Growing does not necessarily mean learning new things. In the last few days, the Lord has made the well-known verse James 1:19 (see above) a necessity for my growth. In the midst of countless rebukes the night of my dismissal, I so badly wanted to defend myself. There were so many things that I wanted to say, but at just the right time "be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry" invaded my mind. Can I get "Holy Spirit" for 400 please?
By fighting, defending myself, and creating an argument (with five already edgy church staffers, at that), I would have proven myself a fool, according to Proverbs. "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." There is some truth in every accusation, the question is, how much? I will openly admit that part of the rebuke I received contained some truth. For the mistakes I made, I should be held accountable. But in the end, I was an intern. Interns are expected to make mistakes. What most disappointed me in the way my pastors dealt with me, was that they never attempted to discuss these issues. Speaking the truth in love, I was very open about the differences I saw between the church and what is taught in Scripture. But my leadership was not interested in having an adult conversation with me.
I am going to be spending a lot of time praying, consulting God's word, and seeking godly counsel from my good friends at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary over the coming weeks in order to use this as preparation for my two year term in Africa. I know, more than anyone else, that there were failures this summer. But it is difficult to be rebuked for many things that in God's eyes were not failures.
I suppose the reason it was so hard to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, slower to become angry" was because of the nature of much of the rebuke. I know that Proverbs is not meant to be an end in itself and must be read in conjunction with books like Job and Ecclesiastes, but there is great wisdom in what can be found there. Proverbs 18:17 teaches: "The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him." There are two sides to every coin; two sides to every story. The fact that one-sided accusations were leveled at me made it very difficult to silence myself. I suppose that is why a conversation typically proves more useful than an attack.
But this is certainly not the last time I will come under fire. Grow and move on, right? There is much more growth to take from my summer as I process through everything. I know the Lord will use it to further His kingdom, and I am not just talking in a numerical sense, but also in a depth sense.
I am reminded of the prophet Jeremiah. Yes, I am slightly paralleling myself to the weeping prophet. I can not imagine the pain and anguish he must have felt writing the book of Lamentations. I can see him beginning to formulate his thoughts for the book as he is hauled off to Babylon, tears in his eyes, wondering if God really is faithful. This is a book of God's wrath on a wicked people and their sin. But there is a ray of hope in the midst of Israel's judgment.
"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail." - Lam. 3:22
As the church of America continues its descent... His lovingkindness never ceases, His compassions never fail.
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