How to Start a Fire (No, This Is Not a Post About the Band Further Seems Forever)

Living in Africa can sometimes be compared to living in the stone age... or, at least, pre-industrialized America. In our kitchen, there is a flash-boil water heater. Said water heater is fueled by the gas tank that connects under the sink. We call this tank a "Budagas". For those of you who desire to join me in my stone-ageism, below are instructions for installing your very own gas tank for cooking and water heating!

Step One:
Inconveniently run out of the house without wallet. Halfway to the local market, realize it's at home. Though with said realization comes the thought that maybe he can put it on your tab.

Step Two:
With much struggle, more frustration, and slight delight, carry on a 20 minute conversation, in Arabic, with the shop owner.

Step Three:
Deflect all attempts of the shopkeeper to convert you to Islam. This is fairly important.

Step Four:
Carry the heavy tank, via left shoulder (switching to the right shoulder when necessary and back again if the walk is long enough) back to the house for set-up. Be careful to not drop the tank as it is most likely flammable.

Step Five:
Search the kitchen for a wrench. Unscrew regulator and hose. Forget that the tank had not yet been shut off. As a result of your blunder, open window and leave room for approximately 15 minutes.

Step Six:
Upon return, hook up new tank with wrench. Turn on gas tank and test for leakage.

Test #1: Apply soapy sponge to tank nozzle, regulator, and tube. If bubbles result, gas is leaking and said piece needs replaced before use. In this case, turn off gas tank and replace. If no bubbles, move on to test #2.

Test #2: The final test to ensure a working budagas, simply follow three easy steps:

Step One:
Flip a coin to see who gets to perform test #2. The winner of the coin toss will perform the test. The loser of the coin toss will leave the room for a safe place.

Step Two:
Pray.

Step Three:
Light a match. Apply flame to gas tank at connection point, regulator and hose. If the tank catches on fire, shoots flames, or explodes, this is a sure sign that the tank is defective. Replace, if physically capable, defective part. If nothing happens, the budagas is ready to go.

Step Seven:
Resume shower as the budagas most certainly went out following the application of shampoo to hair. Also, rinse shampoo out of eyes.