Gospel for India, Mexican Kisses, and Belgian Waffles

What could possibly add more value to 30 hours of traveling, a 12 hour layover, and near exhaustion trying to get home to Africa? Belgian waffles and a kiss from a cute Mexican girl.

It was not long into the voyage that Luke and I made our first mistake. We had set a plan and were to meet at Meredith's gate in the International Terminal at Dulles Airport. With all three planes coming in at the same time, converging on the one location, conceivably, would be simple. I certainly was not thinking that after waiting at the Frankfurt connection for a half hour. Around 4:30, Luke came waltzing by. We waited together another 20 minutes before finding that her flight had been delayed until 5:01.

With our stomachs leading the way, we found a subway with prime position to eat while watching for Meredith. When she had still not passed by 5:20 we became more curious. Back at the empty terminal for Meredith's connection, we asked the man if she had made the flight. His response? She had sprinted through a minute before we had arrived; we just missed her. That was sad, but not enough to ruin out trip. We will see her in Madrid during our March visa run.

Soon enough we were on our plane to go across the pond. Luke and I were originally separated by 30 rows, but after four or five switches we sat together in the middle of the plane next to an Indian graduate student attending Penn State. Rohan and I quickly found that we had much in common. The conversation had not gathered much steam before the Holy Spirit prompted me to share my testimony. Amazingly, my new friend was very open to the truth as revealed by my personal experience. We had a very enjoyable discussion concerning truth and our personal beliefs. I had a number of opportunities to share truth which spurred questions for him. Before he left to sit a few rows away where his long legs could stretch out, we exchanged emails with the intention of connecting again later.

The sleepless seven hour flight provided the platform by which Luke and I could reconnect after our two week hiatus from fellowship. We talked, read, and tried to sleep. Arriving in Brussels, Belgium with eyes heavy we began to plan out our adventure. We quickly worked through the logistics to store our extra carry-on luggage and find the bus into Brussels (Or, Luxembourg as some call it). Unfortunately, our valiant adventure into the unknown city of Brussels quickly proved anticlimactic. The European quarter where our bus line ended was quaint and devoid of interesting shops or restaurants. We found that the best use of our Euros to get there was to sit on the bus and nap for the next hour and a half before picking up our luggage and heading to the gate that we found would not open for another four hours. We were stuck outside the airport with nowhere to go.

The train had been recommended to us, but it was more expensive and we had already paid for the bus tickets. With both of us lackadaisical and indecisive, a reinstatement of executive decision was the necessary catalyst to set us off on our next adventure. Basically, we ended up just telling each other to suck it up and go. A few obstacles now stood between us and a second chance at Belgian waffles. The first of which required Luke to sweet talk the middle-aged Belgian woman whom we had just 15 minutes ago paid for storing our extra luggage. He was impeccable, it was the performance of his Belgian career. The next obstacle was solving the puzzle of the train situation, in the language Nederlands. I quickly made friends with Robin, the English-speaking ticket guy at the train station. Not only did he save us a few Euros on our tickets, he pointed us in the right direction to get on our train.

Waiting for the train, I met a Belgian-, French-, and Spanish-speaking Italian girl. I quickly struck up conversation as she was more than willing to help me find my way to the correct train and on to find my Belgian waffles. While I talked to her, Luke was making headway in conversation with an older Mexican couple from Guadalajara. As the train was boarded we both lost contact with our respective friends and found ourselves sitting alone, half-asleep, staring blankly out the window of the train.

"Hola, como estas?" Back in reality, two Mexican girls, in their early twenties, stood before us staring at Luke, mostly. Luke, like a champ, carried a pretty impressive Spanish conversation with the two girls who were obviously enamored with his boyish charm and man-of-mystery air. As he wrote down his email address, almost as an afterthought, they asked for mine as well. The next barrier they broke with me first before moving on to my studly partner. As they left, the first, then the second, hugged me and followed with a kiss on the cheek. When they left, my head swelled slightly before Luke explained that this was the custom for saying goodbye in Guadalajara. In the end, there is no sharp disagreement amongst our partnership. I am certain of their obvious inclination to Luke, while he is fairly certain of their unending love for me. The truth we may never know.

As the train pulled into Central Station we quickly rescinded our comments concerning how quaint and uneventful Brussels seemed. We had entered a whole new Brussels full of people, restaurants, shops, and Christmas lights. It was not long before we found the ideal location to satiate our Belgian waffle appetite. Seated on the crowded second floor of a local restaurant we enjoyed our Belgian waffles that boasted little more than a name, but they hit the spot. The hot chocolate syrup that had covered our waffles proved to give enough of a sugar rush to conclude our stay in Brussels with the subsequent crash negating all memory of a three hour plane ride to Africa.

Our Belgian adventure had come to an end. An adventure it was, but tiny in scale to that which it precluded...

Back To The Future

The city far behind, one last peak was now visible through the break in trees ahead. I pressed on knowing that my legs would soon receive rest while I waited for the others. Only a few days ago had this noon rendezvous been set and, for once, I was early. Soon enough we would be together again with plenty of time to relax and eat lunch before the shadows crept away into afternoon.

Stepping out from the tree line, I was stunned by the hot African sun. Already warm from the trek, I unzipped my outer coat to release the extra heat. Just a few hundred feet away, I could see where may next break would be. Yet, this welcomed rest would come hand in hand with the knowledge that the cold did not linger far behind. At this altitude the sun's warmth would prove to be the only solace from the cold, mountain air. And only that morning had I left home wearing a t-shirt. Thankfully, I had possessed enough foresight to pack warm clothes as well. Four months into the job, the air was becoming warmer with each trip into the mountains. Summer would soon arrive to lighten our packs from the burden of cold weather gear.

Laying down my pack, I leaned against the bulky main sack to enjoy an astonishing view below. Even after making this trip countless times, the valley had still not lost its luster. Given the opportunity, I could sit for hours admiring the creative work of these rolling hills and sounds of far off sheep as they grazed in solitude. Opposite me sat another range hidden in a rain cloud of mystery. All morning rain had threatened from the south, but had not yet overtaken the sun. Enshallah. The Lord wills it. A little rain would not spoil my day or my joy. If there was one lesson I could learn living with Muslims for the past 15 months, it would be the reality of God's sovereignty and its implications for my life and attitude. This is an area of agreement for Christians and Muslims. Jesus prayed in this way, "Abba, Father. Take this cup from Me. All things are possible for You. Yet not My will, but Your will be done."

Soon enough, they would emerge from the trees below. I had not seen my partner, Luke, since leaving for the visa run. A break was good and Barcelona beautiful, but there was much work to do before leaving for our long-awaited vacation to Madagascar. When we left the apartment last week, I set off for Spain while Luke made the trek to Achmed's home.

More than ready to see both Luke and Achmed, I squirmed impatiently as the sun passed from its direct position overhead and began to weave new shadows. Closer than brothers these two had become to me. Luke and I often stayed with Achmed. In fact, this was how the relationship began. That first trip into the mountains had been miserable. The December cold, unbearable. The snow, nearly impassable. Those first villagers, impossible. We had been faithful to spread Gospel seeds broadly while seeking our first man of peace. But the rejection mounted with each new village we entered. After three days of moving from village to village, the Lord led us to Achmed.

Achmed, our first man of peace, after hearing the Message, insisted we stay the night. Then the next. And the next. It was a week of intense Bible study and discipleship. We left Achmed still a seeker, but so very close to relationship with Jesus. We took three days to trek home to rest, make contact with our prayer partners, and submit our regular paperwork before making a beeline for Achmed's small home. This second long, snowy trek we took with joy knowing that the Lord was moving.

Seeing from a distance, Achmed ran to meet us. He immediately sat us down, in the snow, and shared everything. He was elated with joy and more than once we had to ask him to slow down his Arabic just so we could understand. God had used a vision, he explained. Jesus came to him in a dream and simply said, "You can trust them." In two days he had read all the way through his new Bible. He truly believed and wanted to follow in the footsteps of Paul. And Silas. And Timothy. His excitement would prove to translate into action. Achmed began joining us as we traveled to neighboring villages seeking more men of peace.

Soon after, we met Muhammed and Aimen. Just as we often stayed with them, these three would come to the city and spend time studying and praying with us in the apartment. With the help of these three, we had been to every village on this range multiple times. Many new seekers had been identified and three small groups had been started. To this point, Achmed, Muhammed, and Aimen were the only known believers in the area, but the five of us often spent time together praying for God to sweep across the mountain like wildfire.

Faintly, I heard voices. Sure enough, coming up through the woods were Luke and Achmed, and Muhammed had joined them. Today we were moving on to a new work. A new range. A new challenge. The journey ahead was long, but we had determined long ago that every moment of the journey would be to the glory of God. Besides, there was much to talk about. God had been moving while I was gone...




I often find it hard to understand what I can not see, hear, or touch. For you who are faithfully praying, I understand how difficult it is to not fully fathom how best to pray. This story has not yet happened, but your prayers can make it a reality. With day one approaching, December 29th, this is the vision for which Luke and I pray. Please join us as we pray for God to move and to honor the faithfulness of His people whom He has redeemed.

Reconciliation: a Father and son, and father, story

Breathing heavily, I had hit the peak of my sprint. Though tired, my form remained intact for the final half-mile stretch. Judging by the immeasurable significance this day held for me, the energy boost almost seemed to be by divine appointment. As I rounded the final corner, I could see her. I do not often get worked up over a woman, but she was beautiful. And she was waiting for me.

Drive with the knees. Kick out the stride. Chest out, back straight. Arms loose. Digging down deep, I pushed through the pain and refused to let up all the way through to the end, number 33. Exhausted, I bent over for a brief moment before looking up to receive her inquiring eyes. "Don't close the gate!, please," I managed with a hoarse urgency. Standing there, pulling for breath, I allowed my guitar and bookbag to fall to the hard tile floor of the airport terminal...

17 minutes earlier, I sat comfortably at my gate waiting for the next flight to Cleveland. While engrossed in a thought-provoking book by Dr. Charles Fielding which called for preachers to heal and healers to preach, I had not noticed another afternoon slip away. Once more my mind began racing as I put down the book to rest my eyes. Uncertainty. Joy. Fear. Anticipation. I could not escape the emotional whirlwind as I retraced my steps through the last 16 years...

As a child, sin and divorce had separated me from my earthly father and created a chasm between us for the majority of my life. Malice, slander, and deceit had driven the gulf even deeper. After the divorce, my mother had no intention of allowing him to be a real influence in my life. He fought hard and never gave up on me, but it would be many more years before the truth was revealed. For a child, it is difficult, if not impossible, to love and trust a father who seems so far away.

All too often, the world sends wolves dressed as sheep, and even shepherds, to depict their own stories as truth. For me, the world used my mother. A little lie here. Some small gossip there. Twist these facts just a smidge. This is the way of the world. The world infects, strips away innocence, and forces a faulty paradigm of thinking on fledgling minds. At work are countless cohorts demanding the right to be the sole proprietor of truth for you and me.

This way of life led to anger and bitterness. At the right time, my relationship with the heavenly Father was reconciled. Yet, even with this restored relationship, the struggle remained. All too often, as a young believer, I ran back to the flesh and a prison of anger and bitterness that awaited me. My mind had been infiltrated. I had been given the template of how to think and, therefore, understood my father to be the man whom my mother had continually portrayed to me as a child. The world was so often winning this battle for my mind.

College served as my emancipation; it was here that I was freed from my two masters, anger and bitterness. I was finally enjoying true discipleship and living amongst those whom I knew would challenge and teach me. Then, by stealth, the world crept in once more to influence my impressionable mind. I was learning to let go of anger and bitterness, but the world convinced me that it was easier to exchange these for a new master, indifference. The family that raised me was a worldly trainwreck; I knew this from experience. But, on the other hand, my dad and his family were probably just as bad. As a college student, this is how I lived. Indifference toward the concept of family. Indifference toward the pain I denied. Indifference toward the unknown truth that would probably never come to light.

Reconciliation, like most things in life, is not completed instantly. What is most important in life takes time. By the gracious choice of the Father, the drawing of the Spirit, and the blood of Jesus Christ, I am fully reconciled at the end. As I walk with my Father through life, this process continues to take time and require endurance. With each passing year, the desire for my Father is strengthened as He continues to transform my heart and guide my steps. Reconciling the most important relationship will be a lifelong process, but it is well worth the wait to fully know the Father and His love for me. This life is easily sacrificed in order to be made complete in Christ.

Over the years, I often wondered what reconciliation with my earthly father would look like. I eventually realized that the continual process of being reconciled with my heavenly Father (also known as sanctification) had set a blueprint for me to follow with my earthly father. The process would require true love that can not be known but through Jesus. One day, the Spirit laid on my heart to write a letter. I pondered, for over a year, what words might be contained inside that envelope addressed to my father. The truth of who he was remained unknown to me. But his needs were no different than the needs of any other man who has walked the earth. Just as I desired to be reconciled to my father, I knew he needed to be reconciled to his Father.

Finally, I wrote it. And mailed it one day in March. He should know who I was. He should know where I had been. He should know my intentions. And most importantly, He should know of my Father with whom I had long been reconciled.

The blueprint was completely adequate, as well as the Cornerstone on whom it had been founded. The love of Jesus that had changed my life had also changed my father's life. By the grace of God, our next meeting would be as two new creations. As the process of being reconciled with my heavenly Father continues, the process of being reconciled to my earthly father now begins.

At precisely 3:33 my curiousity was peaked. It seemed odd that I was sitting in a terminal rather than on a plane at that point. I approached the desk and asked when we would begin to board for the 3:50 flight. The news was grim. The correct gate for the connection to Cleveland was not gate C26. In fact, I was scheduled to be at gate F33. And from where I stood, gate F33 was only accessible by taking a tram to the opposite side of the airport. Trusting my Father for the next steps, I sprinted off to meet my father.

Job Number One

As I find myself at the end of a time of training to live overseas, my mind is swirling in a flurry of emotion, theology, practical insights, and relationships for which I now long. At present, I see the whole two months through a lens tainted gray by the many goodbyes that followed. The impact these friends had on my life remains, but they are all dispersed throughout the continental U.S. preparing for a new frontier. These past few days have been difficult as I process through my time at "the farm". But rather than focus on the grief of breaking away and planting a whole new set of roots (knowing, of course, that they too will be pulled up in two weeks), I choose, rather, to focus on Elbert.

"Whooooaaa!" Let's talk about Elbert. One of the most influential believers to this point in my life, my goal is to give you a glimpse into how God used him to change my life. Furthermore, through this series, I can shore up in my own heart these teachings so as to not lose sight of what is most important over the next few years.

"And He appointed twelve, so that they would be with Him and that He could send them out to preach." -Mark 3:14

I have a very important job to accomplish over the next two years. As an apostle, it is so easy to become sidetracked and to forget or neglect this all-important primary task. Let's begin by defining what job number one is not:

1. Language learning... learning the heart language of the "Jeb" people is pivotal in my attempts to present hope and new life. But to move straight to language learning would be to take job number one for granted. Job number one is so important that it cannot be simply relegated to the status of presupposition.
   
2. Evangelism is essential if people are going to hear the name of Christ, but not my first responsibility.
   
3. Prayer touches on it, but is not all-encompassing of what job number one is.
   
4. Church planting remains the end goal, but is not the focal point of my life.

If I do nothing else the next two years, job number one is to be with Jesus. And the irony of this statement is that I will do more over the next two years simply being with Jesus than by filling my schedule with ministry.

Job number one is to be with Jesus. Another way Biblical writers say this is to use the verb "abide". Recently I have been pondering what it truly means to abide. Jesus says, "Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me." (John 15:4)

John gives some more insights into this life of abiding in Christ in his letter, I John.

"If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin."
-I John 1:6-7

To abide in Jesus is to walk in the Light. And why? Because He is in the Light, therefore that is where we too belong. This sums up most of John's abiding talk throughout the rest of the book. Walking in the light is equivalent to pleasing Him and keeping His commandments. (I John 3:22,24) Walking in the light is the fruit of being filled with the Spirit. (I John 4:13) Walking in the Light produces fellowship with God and men. This is intentionally reminiscent of the greatest two commands Jesus gave. He told us we are to love God with everything we have and to love others.

"The one who loves his brother abides in the Light and there is no cause for stumbling in him." -I John 2:10

Speaking of love for our brothers, John tells us that this also is part of abiding in Jesus. We know that love surpasses all else, including faith and hope. Because love comes from God (I John 4:7), to love is to take part in who He is, therefore causing one to abide in Him.

"As for you, let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father."
-I John 2:24

We abide in Jesus when His word abides in us. We abide in Jesus when His gospel abides in us. Job number one is to be with Jesus. Job number one is to abide in Jesus. Every day. All day. Forever. Walk in the light, love passionately, and delve into the deep waters of God and His word.

Recently, I wrote the following in my journal:

"Father, teach me to abide. I don't understand this. I want so badly to swim in the open sea of the mystery of You. But, yet, I have not learned to take that last step from the shallow end. I read a little, pray a little, and forget only to repeat it again tomorrow all the while hoping that I can pull together three or four straight days of this pseudo-abiding in You.

"Set my heart on You. Always. I need to abide. I don't want to get by just wading around in the three-foot pool of the American church. I want the mystery. I want the depths. I need You to drop me into the middle of the ocean where I'll swim forever and not become dry. No longer can I be only half wet. No more of this half-abiding in You. Soak me. All of me. All the day long. So wet I'll never be dry again. To truly live, I need to abide in the great deep of who You are."

To not abide in Jesus is to abide in anything else. It is to abide in a negative attitude. It is to abide in judgment of my brothers. It is to abide in anger, malice, and idle talk. John would sum up these other objects of my abiding as "the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life." (I John 2:16)

Job number one is to be with Jesus and no one else.

John closes his letter of I John with a sentence that seems to be out of place. Upon further reflection it is entirely appropriate. It further clarifies the answer to the question "what does it mean to abide?"

"Little children, guard yourselves from idols." - I John 5:21

Get Out Of Bed Man

Next to Dorm 12, now a girl's dorm, stands my old reading tree. As a sophomore, I spent many hours in its high branches reading anything and everything. Crossing the parking lot, the sight of Dorm 14 brought a smile to my pensive countenance. Senior year I would often stop by Jessica and Sarah's window to talk on the way to my dorm. With the Keyhole parking lot behind me, I crossed the lamp-lit street to the intramural field and spent a few minutes watching an ultimate frisbee game. The customary light up frisbee spurred memories of freshman year. Night after night, Baina and Jeff would power their light up frisbees the length of the field as I battled with Aaron Meng in the endzone. His athleticism and defensive insticts often triumphed over my amature freshman frisbee skills.

So many memories. Liberty, as I remember it, is a defining part of my life. But as I walked the campus, my Liberty was but a distant memory. Today's student, barely out of high school, walks the campus with his head buried in his cell phone, earphones poking through his hair. I found myself lost in a sea of unknown faces. My friends have moved on. The freshman hall that I led as a senior is now dispersed off campus or in scattered leadership positions. My "enemies" from dorm 16 are now a hall of 70 girls. This Liberty is a great place. But my Liberty now abides solely in the memory banks.

The life that I have come to know and enjoy is amongst Southeastern Seminary students who, on average, are about seven years older than the archetypal Liberty student. The games, pranks, and experiences of my life at Liberty are but a distant, hazy dream to which I may not return. Now awake, this is the dream for which I grasp. I can no more relive those days than a man may resume his place as last night's sleeping hero. Yet, there are some who find themselves still lying in bed striving to gain one last experience of some sub-conscious world. There is no going back. It is time to get out of bed.

"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." Every man must accept that the childish will never again be possible. Now, as a man, the future is bright. I will never return to those Liberty days, but they have prepared me well for my life's task. The fruit of that time will always be a part of my life. But for that fruit to sprout other fruit bearing trees I must accept my place in society as a man and follow God's call to go.

The real world awaits. It is time for me to get out of bed.

Retraction: Rick Warren Is Alright With Me

A few months ago, I wrote the post Rick Warren Is Alright With Me. Recently, I read this article concerning Rick Warren that has made me regret my words. I am not one to go around slamming other pastors and teachers, but I do think the body of Christ needs to confront issues that threaten the Church. At first glance, ministries like Saddleback, Lakewood, and Mars Hill (Michigan) appear to be vibrant and monstrously successful. But the anthropocentrism (state of being man-centered) that pervades the doctrines of these churches must be combated by Bible-believing Christians.

In II Timothy 4:2-4, Paul warns Timothy with these words: "Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction. For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths."

I take the time to write these things not as an attack, but as a warning to a self-destructive American Church that breaks my heart. We need pastors who give the glory to God. We need pastors who will teach the Bible with respect to authorial intent. We need Jesus.

Today I experienced one of the most encouraging conversations I have had in a long time. My good friend, Bear Yarbrough, is raising support over the next two years to begin his life work in Mali amongst a tribal group of 2.7 million people. His team's 35-40 year plan involves four years of diligent language and cultural study followed by years of a systematic discipleship, church planting, pastoral training, and Bible translation ministry. His desire for the end of his life can be summed up in these words, "I want to sit back at the end of my work and watch the people preach, teach, and disciple one another. I will sit under their teaching and marvel at what God has done."

This is the heart of a godly man. This is the heart of a pastor.

Proud To Be An American

Justice. Representative government. Freedom. Civil rights. Equality. Self-sacrifice. Morality. All in decline. By these ideals the United States constitution was written. This national document America holds up next to the sacred texts. And just as sacred texts are further undermined by each successive generation, so is the constitution. These values upon which the constitution was written to stand are now nearly replaced in American society.

Justice is replaced by greed. Democracy by socialism. Freedom exchanged for bondage. Civil rights for oppression. Equality is being skewed to communism. Self-promotion now rules the political scene. Sex worship has overtaken morality.

Henry David Thoreau writes, "[We] hesitate, and we regret, and sometimes we petition; but we do nothing in earnest and with effect. We will wait, well disposed, for others to remedy the evil, that we may no longer have it to regret... There are nine hundred and ninety-nine patrons of virtue to one virtuous man."

You can point the finger at liberals, but the blame rests on us all. Silence is consent. As the years passed, we have ceded access to justice, legislation, and rule. We permitted the redefinition of life, standing by as infants were slaughtered by the millions and the sick permitted to expire. We watched as family and marriage made the transformation from firm foundation to nebulous concept. We neglected the needs of our own children by allowing them to be brainwashed by hostile education and culture.

They fought against a well-oiled and just system. They fed you lies and over-exaggerated the democratic flaws. They took full advantage of the right to freedom in order to steal yours. They advocated everything the Creator hates. They stole from Christians the idea of education and used it to indoctrinate young minds. One institution at a time they overtook to patiently weed out the defenders of the weak. From Harvard to Yale to Duke, they systematically wiped out the only true moral voice and, consequently, the one that opposed them.

"Down with the bourgeoisie!," they cry. Then, in the night, the unthinkable happens. One morning you awake to a wholly new bourgeoisie. Now, they have the power. Now, they have absolute control. Now, they make the rules. All the wonderful promises are dust in the wind. The very people they once claimed to defend, they now oppress. Yet, hindsight shows that they were oppressors all along. Subtle, coercive oppression that seduced you and teased at your senses. She lured you in with the promise of pleasure, security, and unity. She bound you in chains while you slept. And she left you to die.

When will the revolution occur? Will it take 30 more years of famine or plague or sword to usher in their great and glorious new age? Or, maybe the next great disaster will serve as the conduit to their seizure of power. Perhaps all they need is the panic of a self-induced healthcare crisis. They promise deliverance. They promise peace. They promise prosperity. Money. Power. Control. They even promise freedom. But freedom is just as easily taken as it is given.

"Look to the past!," you say. "What of the great Christian men by whom this nation was founded? We must return to the values that our founding fathers held."

For centuries America has benefited from Christian reforms. The very concept of social justice spurred on a system of checks and balances that leveled the playing field for all. The contribution of hospitals, schools, science, and freedom permitted Christian influence to be tolerated a little longer. A pagan nation, as many other pagan nations, had for a time been tamed for use by the true King. Pragmatism rode the wave of Christian ideals to the peak of civilization at which time Christians themselves were no longer necessary. Do not fool yourself, this nation you love is not a Christian nation. It never was.

From its inception, America has been a pagan nation infiltrated by Christians. Sympathetic deists wrote the constitution in such a way as to allow such an invasion. The truth of Scripture as absent from their Bibles as an utterly transcendent god from his own universe. For the proof of paganism, one need look no further than the nation's sacred temples. Modeled after the greatest idolators in the history of the world, our high places resemble those of ancient Egypt, Helen, and Roma. Men of old immortalized and worshiped as gods. The city centered by a rising obelisk that reaches toward the sun and its god, Amon Ra. Men, women, and children of all colors and walks of life journey to this sacred place to pay homage to the savior, democracy.

In like fashion to Isaiah, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel, men such as Jonathan Edwards, George Whitefield, Samuel Adams, Charles Finney, and Martin Luther King, Jr. served as prophets calling the nation to repent and change its ways. Always an uphill battle, Christians pressed forward against criticisms, slanders, and outright paganism. With the rise of the neo-liberal, the Christian purportedly carries no more value for this society. The difficult soil that Christians have toiled to plow for hundreds of years has nearly completed the process of petrification. These are the very rocks that tomorrow will be used to stone the faithful.

The time is soon coming when all Americans will be united. We'll strap up our boots, throw on our matching jackets, and march to the beat of the one drummer. Our American pride will be evidenced by the insignia worn by all. "Sieg Heil" replaced with a new, more chilling cry born out of the ashes of democracy. In the new fascist state, Neo-Arians will take precedence. Yet, Arians they will not be, but Moors. They will gawk with pride at their people's greatest accomplishment. As democracy yields to sharia law, a message of terror will ripple through the nations.

As has been from the beginning, the ebb and flow of history continues. Countless nations have undergone the Judeo-Christian transformation to the same demise. As the pagan nation weakens, it takes Christianity as its bride. Soon after, the pseudo-Christian paganism emerges from the womb. Weak and stumbling, it is quickly preyed upon by the conquering Muslims, or worse. The message of the past remains unheeded. No government will save. Government is only as perfect as the people that rule.

But is there hope? Yes, indeed. Yet, it comes not from where you may expect.

Amos is an account of the impending destruction of Israel, 8th century B.C. The slaughter awaits. Invasion is on the horizon. Captivity marches west from Assyria.

"Hear this word which I take up for you as a dirge, O house of Israel:

She has fallen, she will not rise again --
The virgin Israel,
She lies neglected on her land;
There is none to raise her up.

For thus says the Lord God,
'The city which goes forth a thousand strong will have a hundred left,
And the one which goes forth a hundred strong will have ten left to the house of Israel.'"

It is at this time that God sends one last call to repentance. This is a call that could save America should she choose to hear it.

"Seek the Lord that you may live.
Or He will break forth like a fire, O house of Joseph, and it will consume with none to quench it for Bethel, for those who turn justice into wormwood and cast righteousness down to the earth."

Amos 5:2-3, 6-7

Outlaws and Fugitives... Or, Law-Abiding Citizens?

The sound came from far away. An indiscriminate buzz moving nearer as it passed from another world into mine. The beginning and source were utterly unknown to me as I lay there helpless, constricted. Then, instantly, the realization of clucking snapped me to consciousness. Bright rays of awareness burned away the fog of deep sleep. My body was sweating wrapped in the zero-degree mummy bag. My nose, frozen, had become a conductor of the ice cold air from the bag's sole opening. Sitting up, I discovered the source of my re-entrance to consciousness. He stood blankly gazing at me from the doorway. Two bold steps my feathered friend ventured in my direction before fleeing a hungry dog through the entrance into the first beams of sunlight.

Searching my surroundings, I found everything precisely as I had remembered the previous night before sleep relieved me from a hard day of traveling. Piled in the corner of two baked-mud walls were mounds of potatoes. Corn hung from the thick, wooden rafters. Next to me were three other undisturbed sleeping bags. A few yards farther lay the already lit fire on the other side of the hut. Sitting next to the fire was Ewan, our host. He sat reading. Right where we had left him: by the fire, reading.

For hours the previous afternoon he had pointed to nearly every part of his body speaking his people's specific dialect in hopes that we would catch on. While eating potatoes and a mystery stew, we repeated these words and phrases back to him. With every new word, he joyfully chattered on while sporadically laughing at our repeated failures to correctly articulate. Eventually he tired of these games and the onus was left to us to stir conversation. It was at this time that I took the opportunity to begin the mission for which we had come. I presented to him our gift. This gift had traveled thousands of miles and passed, undetected, to where it did not legally belong.

Two days prior, our team of twelve had arrived in an undisclosed Chinese city. In a small, local hotel we piled into a room that we would never again see. It was here that we met our contact. Rosco, as he called himself, briefed each of the three teams individually as the others unpacked boxes of contraband and equally disseminated the materials amongst the twelve. Three hours later, we said our final goodbyes to Rosco and boarded an AirChina flight to a destination 300 miles away.

On the ground, Bear led our team of four to the bus depot from which we traveled four hours to our base city. After fighting through jetlag for a sleepless first night, we packed up our gear and began the trek over the mountain. For five hours, we made our own trail through the pines before discovering a breath-taking view from the peak to the valley and city below. Here the course was decided upon and the subsequent two hour hike took us across the ridge to the first village. It was here that we met Ewan, who now sat enjoying the rewards of our difficult task.

John 3 had been the catalyst to his mostly uninterrupted reading. As I placed the Bible in his hands, I opened it to John chapter 3 and opened my hands in a reading motion. For the rest of the night this book arrested his full attention but for three brief visits by other villagers. Each stayed long enough to experience Ewan's excitement before leaving him to return to his solace by the fire.

After breakfast, we left satisfied, not so much by the Chinese tribal cuisine, but by the first taste of success. We set out for the first of many more villages that scattered the mountainside opposite the valley city. We knew the coming days would be long and demanding.

Two years later, I find myself preparing for a very similar task. This time, my adventure will extend the week to two years. And rather than China, I will be backpacking into the mountains of Africa. One other common denominator is the ethical issue with which I am still faced.

Is it a godly course of action to enter a country and violate their laws by smuggling in the gospel and corresponding materials?

Due to the nature of the question in conjunction with my lack of ethics experience, I have done much research on the subject seeking an answer. The following are the fruits of my labor. These sources include philosophers, both Christian and secular, and theologians, along with an example from the modern era.

At the turn of the 5th century, Augustine wrote a letter to Boniface that we now know as "Of the Correction of the Donatists". The Donatists were an early sect that branched away from the mainstream Christianity of the day. Unlike sects such as the Arians, they held no theological disparities with the Church. This sect simply refused to gather under the umbrella of the Church. Augustine writes this letter to Boniface towards the end of the movement to encourage him to allow reformed Donatists back into the Church. He notes in the letter not only their break from the Church, but the event by which they left. It was false charges this group brought to the government against Bishop Caecilianus of Carthage that marked the beginning of their secession.

It is in this context that he speaks of the ungodly nature of their actions in juxtaposition to what is right according to God. He writes:

"For, morever, when emperors enact bad laws on the side of falsehood, as against the truth, those who hold a right faith are approved, and, if they persevere, are crowned; but when the emperors enact good laws on behalf of the truth against falsehood, then those who rage against them are put in fear, and those who understand are reformed. Whosoever, therefore, refuses to obey the laws of the emperors which are enacted against the truth of God, wins for himself a great reward; but whosoever refuses to obey the laws of the emperors which are enacted in behalf of truth, wins for himself great condemnation."

Henry David Thoreau, the transcendentalist writer, philosopher, and historian, deals with this ethical issue in his famous paper, "Civil Disobedience". He states:

"If the injustice is part of the necessary friction of the machine of government, let it go, let it go; perchance it will wear smooth -- certainly the machine will wear out. If injustice has a spring, or a pulley, or a rope, or a crank, exclusively for itself, then perhaps you may consider whether the remedy will not be worse than the evil; but if it is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter friction to stop the machine. What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn."

The Old Testament holds a number of examples for believers concerning civil disobedience. Two that come to mind immediately are Daniel and David. At the threat of death by King Darius' injunction, Daniel continued to kneel toward Jerusalem three times a day from his balcony. He followed God in direct disobedience to the government and its king. David, too, directly disobeyed the government as Saul unjustly sought his life.

David not only seeks rescue from King Saul in the Old Testament, he comes to God seeking rescue from other nations in Psalm 35:24. Augustine translates and comments on this verse:

"'Judge me, O Lord, and distinguish my cause from an ungodly nation.' He does not say, 'Distinguish my punishment', but 'Distinguish my cause'. For the punishment of the impious may be the same; but the cause of the martyrs is always different."

While the pericopes of the Old Testament shed light on the subject, the teachings of the New Testament bring the truth further into focus. Paul and Peter both teach on the subject of submission to governmental authority. Both command submission to governing authorities. Both advocate the one stipulation that the government must punish evil and praise good.

Romans 13:1-3 teaches: "Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities for there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same."

I Peter 2:13-14, 20 teaches: "Submit yourself for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to the king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right... For what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it and patiently endure it, this finds favor with God."

The latter passage, in conjunction with Augustine's teaching, suggests that the one who does good despite the government will be punished. The man who finds favor with God does what is right, while receiving government opposition, AND patiently endures his punishment. Earthly laws still carry earthly consequences. But suffering for the sake of Christ has its own set of consequences. Therefore, while you are rightfully persecuted by the government, you are winning praise from God.

Paul's timely letter to the Roman church came from jail. In like fashion, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. also wrote a famous letter from jail. In defense of actions in Birmingham, Alabama leading to his arrest, he pens the well known "Letter from Birmingham City Jail" to his fellow clergymen. The following are a few of his thoughts on civil disobedience and the Christian's role therein:

"I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the prophets of the eighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their 'thus saith the Lord' far beyond the boundaries of their home towns, and just as the apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco Roman world, so I am compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my own home town."

"Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."

"You express a great deal of anxiety over our willingness to break laws... there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that 'an unjust law is no law at all.'"

To sum all of this up, Jesus said it very clearly:

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations"

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 8 - New Beginnings

From the beginning of time, humans of all cultures have recognized certain numbers as having greater significance than others. Some cultures have understood these differences in terms of power. Some see numerical differences in terms of luck. And some cultures view these differences as symbolic, yet potentially prophetic.

Think about our culture. What comes to mind when you see the number 13? Unlucky, right? Due to the superstitions surrounding this number, many buildings do not have a 13th floor and Friday the 13th is a well known anti-holiday. Another number that catches people's attention is 666. This is known to be a Biblical number pointing to anti-christ. Occurrences of this number have, at times, provoked some to fear an impending cataclysmic end to the world. Some cultures do not know or understand the background and circumstances surrounding their symbolic numbers. Joe Plumber can not tell you where or when 13 became an unlucky number. Even 666 may be inaccurate. Due to a possible manuscript error, the number 666 may have replaced the original 616.

In ancient Hebrew and early Christian history numbers played a major role both prophetically and symbolically, and more importantly these cultures understood the significance and background of each number. One of the most well known numbers is 12. There were 12 tribes of Israel. There were 12 disciples. There will be 12 gates by which to enter the New Jerusalem. This number signifies rule and governmental authority. Another important number is 3. This is a number of substance and completion. This is the number of the trinity, the number of festivals in the Hebrew calendar, and the number of divisions of the Old Testament. Other numbers familiar to the Christian faith are 7, 40, and 666 (or 616). But there is one other major number found in the Bible: 8.

This is the 8th and final post concerning my internship with Wormwood Church in Kansas. The number 8 is a very important number in the Bible. This is the number of new beginnings. The flood is a prime example of this idea of new beginning. Early in man's history, God's wrath and judgment was poured out on all mankind in a devastating, worldwide flood. Noah survived the waters with his wife, his three sons, and their wives. There were left 8 total survivors to begin a new era of human history; a new beginning to mankind.

Prior to the flood, in Genesis 1, God created the heavens and the earth in 6 days, rested on the 7th, and the 8th day was a day of new beginning. Day 8 marked the end of the creation cycle and the beginning of man's reign on the earth. Logically, the eighth day of the week stands in correlation with the first day of the week. When day 8 of the week arrives, the new week begins. Christ was crucified on day 6 of the week marking the end of his work, enjoyed heaven with the Father on day 7, and rose from the dead on day 8. The resurrection of our Lord and Savior marks the most important new beginning for Christians.

From post number 8, I move on to a new beginning in my life.

A major period of my life has come to an end. On this day, I celebrate a new year in my life, my 23rd. As I look back, I have spent 22 years learning, growing, and training. After 12 years of school, 4 years of Bible college, a year at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, and my first official church internship, I am now ready, at the age of 23, to begin the work for which I was made. I begin a new life focused on Arab culture, life, and relationships. I begin studying Arabic and interacting with a whole new world of lost people. This is not to say that I have no plans to finish my masters and work toward a doctorate, but these degrees will be more focused than any schooling that I have done thus far. Jesus and missiology will be the goal of all my education from this point forward.

This is my new beginning.

As the 8th day marks the new week, the 23rd year marks the new epoch of my life.

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 7 - Forgiveness

"But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions." - Matt 6:15

"And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart." - Matt 18:34-35

"Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions." - Mark 11:25-26

"Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying 'I repent,' forgive him." - Luke 17:3-4

This is Jesus on the topic of forgiving others. Forgiveness is necessary in the Christian life. We, as sinners, have been forgiven a great debt. In view of this great and wonderful eternal forgiveness, we must learn to forgive comparatively minor and insignificant debts though they may seem catastrophic to our earthly lives.

Right now, forgiveness for me looks like this:
Learning how to pray for Wormwood Church and its leadership in a godly manner.

This does not mean putting aside our differences, but praying that God guides this staff into truth. This does not mean asking God for the massive numbers of people they want, but praying for the spiritual growth of those who are there. This does not mean seeking the church's downfall, but that it would move in the right direction. This means praying that the staff would repent of sin, stubbornness, wrong thinking, and unsound doctrine and ground themselves fully on Scripture.

Forgiveness is not spewing gossip and angry talk to everyone I know. But, forgiveness may include a righteous indignation like that of David towards Saul. If you recall, David pleaded to God to deal with Saul. Yet, at the same time, David left vengeance and wrath for God. In a dark, seemingly empty cave, he stealthily used his knife to cut off a piece of Saul's garment rather than slitting his neck.

God will judge. God will carry out wrath. God will change or not change hearts. I accept that. Therefore, I will pray and speak accordingly. And when I do not, I myself must repent and have repented.

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 6 - Painful Ministry

The door swung open to reveal a deep, black void waiting just beyond the threshold of dim light cast by the outdoor floodlights. With thoughts and emotions swirling all around my head, I stumbled in closing the door behind me. Dragging my feet along the tile floor, I did not care to turn on the light as my full weight was left to crash to the hard surface. Darkness. Surrounding me. Filling me. the darkness seemed a volatile attack on my entire being. I was, seemingly, alone. Alone with my thoughts.

But, of course, I knew better.

As tears streamed down my face, the pain covered over my proverbial heart. I cried out to God in words I can not now recall. The scene was cast so vividly in my mind. I had gone with the sole intention of hearing him out. Discipline was a non-issue; leveraging my position would be useless at this point. I desperately wanted to counsel him and allow Scripture to speak to the circumstance, but he would hear none of it. "Dude, don't waste your time praying for me. I don't care about you or God."

A former small group leader on the dorm and current worship leader at a local church, he had opened up to me the depths of his double life. Drunkenness. Drugs. Girls. Sin was choking out his desire for Christ. He had bought into the lie that causes so many to devote life to selfish gratification. Confusion and pain invaded me as his hardness of heart strengthened before my very eyes.

Back in my quad, I confessed utter insufficiency to God. This pain was unbearable. If God could take it away. If He could remove me from this responsibility. If He could just... answer me.

Over the past months, I had begun to understand the nature of the task assigned to my life. To shepherd a group of men is to accept the cross-hairs aimed at one's chest. At times, I had embraced my role with joy. But, more often than not, I wanted nothing more than to yield the responsibility to someone else. The pain often seemed to outweigh the joys.

Pain will always be present when a man strives to understand the hearts of other men.
Pain will always be present when a man strives to speak truth with love into every situation.
Pain will always be present when Scripture remains the inerrant, inexorable truth by which a man founds his life and work.

For a year, as a junior at Liberty University, I struggled through the difficult challenge of attempting to shepherd a group of 40 sophomores and juniors who, for the most part, just did not want anything to do with me. This represented my most difficult year of college. But it prepared me for the reality in ministry that most people will hate me and the message that I bring. My responsibility is to love men and speak truth, no matter what.

Three years later, I find myself in Kansas continuing the work of planting small groups, discipling young believers, and training new small group leaders. Little did I know to what extent those hard fought lessons of the past would come back to test me again. I find that God allows His children to go through harder and harder experiences as they develop in spiritual maturity. By His grace, each painful situation prepares us for the next.

Though I Corinthians 10:13 directly applies to temptation, I believe the principle can easily be translated to the painful ordeals of life and godliness. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."

As an intern at Wormwood Church, my work for the Lord was not attacked by those to whom I was ministering. The Lord had taken me through that battle. I had already been equipped to meet the opposition of those under me. Though, not an easy task, it is now one for which I am always ready. This summer, it was the leadership over me that fired the arrows. It is one thing to discern and correct error in a young believer or an unbeliever, but a wholly other issue to confront sin and unsound teaching with those who are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the church.

John deals with this in I John 4:1, "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world." Francis Schaffer taught men to test and question everything. Not everyone in a position of leadership can be followed. Not every pastor can be trusted. Hebrews deals with all Christians as brothers, not separating leaders from followers, when it says "let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds." When it comes to testing the spirits, there are no lines or heirarchies to stand between pastors and laymen. All men are equal in the sight of God and must be accountable for their actions and teaching.

The past four years since I stepped up to be a discipler have been difficult. I have been tested over and over. Some tests were brief confirmations. Others were long and drawn out; these agonizing ordeals have forced me to expand my spiritual pain tolerance. Paul learned endurance through many such trials. He tells the church of Corinth, "For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life."

I have not despaired of life. Yet. That day, that trial is coming. But my comforts continue to build. The diversity of comforts the Lord has given me is vast. And there is only room for more. These comforts are not for my sake. Therefore, the painful trials I endure are not wholly for my sake.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."
- II Corinthians 1:3-5

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 5 - Kingdom Building

The year of our Lord 1096 marked the beginning of a 200 year period of Crusades that saw hundreds of thousands of European Christians travel to Jerusalem to take back the promised land. Amidst the cries of Peter the Hermit, men all over Europe left everything for sake of the kingdom of heaven and, of course, to gain even greater wealth and power. Army after army of self-proclaimed Christians traveled to Jerusalem to loot, kill, and claim power and land fighting anyone who could satiate their greed. Many Muslims were slaughtered by crusaders. Many Christians were slaughtered by crusaders. Many innocent men, women, and children were slaughtered by crusaders. Christians built vast empires and gained power and fame during this time. These are kingdoms that will not pass through the fire on Judgment Day.

The second Sunday of August, I met with the lead pastor, Joe, and the two elders at Village Inn Restaurant at 9:30pm. I had gone into the meeting simply wanting to know if I would be leading the week's missions team that had come to help. I was blindsided when Joe and the elders told me that there was no more work left for me to do at Wormwood Church. "For us to just keep making up things for you to do would be a waste of your time and our time." I was told that I had the week to "make arrangements to leave." Furthermore, I was told to tell no one that I was leaving, I was to just leave.

I sat there in shock and silence. When these three had said what they came to say I was nearly speechless. The only words I could muster were a weak "thank you for your time" as I excused myself from the table. As I sat in my room that night, Joe's words echoed in my head, "We want to be completely honest with you, there is just no more work for you to do here." This did not make sense to me, the church had just hired two new interns to come in and help with the youth and media aspects of the church. I was leading three Bible studies a week and sometimes getting together with kids that had questions in between. I was a key leader in the youth group and had just taken on the roll of reforming, organizing, and re-energizing the Sunday morning children's ministry. Not only that, the church paid me nothing! I was free labor.

As I was making my arrangements that week, I emailed Joe five times asking him to meet me face to face. Finally, my fifth email, sent Wednesday morning, provoked a response. In this email, I informed him that I would not book a plane ticket out of Kansas until he met with me face to face. It was Wednesday afternoon when he finally responded via his blackberry that received email anywhere. He wanted to meet that night at 10:30pm at Applebee's.

After sitting and waiting for five minutes, Joe walked into Applebee's at 10:35pm. Behind Joe came his wife and volunteer coordinator, Michelle, the 21-year-old administrative assistant, Amanda, the 21-year-old worship pastor, Jordan, and the discipleship pastor, Rich, a Christian for the past three years. I asked Joe if we could talk alone and he responded by making me aware of how great an inconvenience this meeting was to the church staff. To this I responded by laying out the contradiction between the actual level of my involvement with the church and his words from Sunday night. For the next 40 minutes, I endured a constant barrage of one-sided accusations and Scripture-less rebukes for everything I had done wrong over the past two months. They attacked my character, my discipleship methods, my personality, and my work for the summer. Like a good soccer team, everyone touched the ball multiple times, everyone but me.

Some of my "shortcomings" I shared in my previous posts. These charges included starting four Bible studies behind the pastor's back, taking the youth out to teach them how to do street evangelism, and being "divisively against the church's vision". Some of my shortcomings were valid; I made mistakes as the leader of the childrens' program. But, these mistakes were not the trumped up disasters that the staff threw in my face. These were rookie errors that I certainly would have repented of had they been brought to my attention one-on-one, in love.

What really caught my attention was this statement made by at least three people and agreed upon by all: "We live and die by this vision. We have sacrificed for this vision. Nothing will stand in the way of our vision; anything that does must go."

Everyone is building up a kingdom. Some people build their kingdoms with material things such as stone, brick, and mortar. Some build their kingdoms on immaterial things like fame and a well-known name. Others build onto the kingdom of heaven by faith and hope in what is unseen. The kingdom of heaven has already been founded. This kingdom has Jesus Christ laid down as the corner-stone from the beginning of time.

The kingdom of heaven is not built upon by marketing one's own name and gaining popularity. Paul teaches in II Timothy 4 that "the time will come when [the people] will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths."

The kingdom of heaven is not built upon by living according to II Timothy 3, but I Timothy 3. Paul warns, in the former, against men who are "lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."

But, on the contrary, these are the qualifications of an elder from I Timothy 3: "An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money,... and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil."

The kingdom of heaven is not built upon by standing firm upon one's own vision, but on Christ as the firm foundation. A man who wants to start a club may do as he pleases, but a church is different. There are parameters for a church and the authority rests squarely on God's revealed Word. When one man begins a church and runs the show his way without yielding to wise counsel or the Bible itself, the kingdom of heaven is not being built, but man's kingdom; Wormwood's kingdom.

John warns against a man named Diotrephes in the book of III John. Diotrephes was a man who started off on the right foot and was placed in the position of leadership in a particular church in Asia Minor. John says, "I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either, and he forbids those who desire to do so and puts them out of the church. Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. The one who does good is of God; the one who does evil has not seen God." Diotrephes was building his own kingdom and any man who stood in his way was cast out along with those who agreed with said man.

Now, I myself may not be the wisest of counsel, or the most godly of brethren, but I am one of three staff members who were asked to leave this church. The youth pastor, a College at Southeastern graduate, and his wife were also asked to leave despite the success they had seen in youth ministry. The common denominator between the three of us was:
1. We held to Scripture as the complete and final authority.
2. We challenged the pastor to seek Biblical solutions to major church issues.
3. We followed the great commission to make disciples at every opportunity available.

History and experience teach that not every evangelist, pastor, elder, or deacon builds on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ. What allows these men and their churches to go astray? Lack of accountability. When the church and its leadership maintain a healthy, Biblical accountability relationship, the church will prosper to the glory of God and the advancement of the kingdom of heaven. The Diotrephes' of the faith who dodge and forbid accountability will lead the church into error every time.

In His sermon on the mount, Jesus gives clear teaching on the kingdom of heaven and who belongs:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 4 - Life Transformation

The vision of Wormwood Church is to see a city transformed one life at a time by honoring God and building healthy relationships at the speed of life.


"Father, you alone are good. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your sustenance and the rest which you provide to the Son of Man. Your kingdom come, your will be done."

"Let us now go to Jerusalem," He said to the others as He pointed west.

Passing through the city gates, He stepped onto the cool, wet grass. The brisk morning breeze was slowly sweeping away the morning mists that yet blocked out the waking sun. Following behind him were the quiet twelve still rubbing the sleep from their eyes. Soon John and James would be arguing amongst themselves. The weary Peter would attempt to make peace as Judas instigated from the rear. Today, He could not afford to allow arguments to slow the pace as Jerusalem was His week's end goal. To accomplish this the troupe needed to ford the Jordan before evening prevented further travel. If they could pass through the last portion of Judea to the Jordan by the 6th hour, they would be making very good time.

Accustomed to the disciples' morning lethargy, Jesus often woke before the first hour of the day to spend time alone with His Father. Today, He had woken earlier than usual and now was afforded even more time to think to himself before the disciples fully awoke. The past weeks spent in Judea had drained him of all human strength. He had taught and healed day after day and at night, when he could finally get away from the crowds, there was even more work to do with the disciples. The only strength He had left to rely on was that which came from the Father through daily communion. This journey to Jerusalem would be another tiring test, but maybe, just maybe, once in Jerusalem there would be a day or two of rest. It seems as though...

"Teacher, teacher!"

He had not seen the young man chasing Him from the city. "Teacher, wait!" he cried as he bent over in front of Jesus to collect himself and catch his breath. Before looking up again to the master, he dropped his knee to the dirt in honor. As he knelt, he breathed heavily and said, "Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"

Jesus, noticing that the disciples were now wide awake and intrigued by the question, replied with his own question, " Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." This loaded question asked by the young man had necessitated an appropriate response from the Master. Jesus, knowing the young man's heart, wanted to challenge him to move past simply thinking about what he should do.

The young man refrained from answering, still holding out hope that Jesus would give Him an easy answer. He had heard about Jesus and His many miracles. He had even heard that Jesus could be the long awaited Messiah. Because of this, he was prepared to make a commitment to Jesus. Maybe he could provide monetary support, he was very good for that. Perhaps, even, he could house Jesus and His disciples to show his support. There must be something he could do, some next step.

Breaking the silence, Jesus said, "You know the commandments, 'do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not bear false witness, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'"

His heart leaped at the reminder of his parents' teachings. From youth his parents had taught him to follow all these commands. "Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up!" What a confirmation this was for the young man to know that everything he was doing was right! Mother and Father would be so proud of him to know that the Messiah approved of him and his works.

But Jesus had not yet finished. Looking upon this young man in love, He knew what was said next would be painful. For He knew the young man was wealthy and a ruler and had many men who served him. The young man had worked hard early in his life and apprenticed with a good master. After proving himself, he had been elevated to a high position. Even his peers respected this young man and his work ethic. Not only that, they knew him to be a righteous man who held firm to the law and honored all men.

Jesus, spoke the words that needed to be said to the young man, "One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."

At this, the young man's entire countenance fell. His eyes began to fill with tears at the realization of what Jesus had told him. The cost was too great. Had he not already done enough to earn God's favor? Did the good life that he was already living count for nothing? The young man, crushed, said nothing more. He walked away and never saw Jesus again.


What does life transformation mean? There are two very different understandings of life transformation in the American church. These views are no different than those with which the early church wrestled. In this story, found in Mark 10:17-22, Jesus represented true life transformation through a heart change, while the rich young ruler wanted good outward behavior to be enough.

Let me reiterate the vision of Wormwood Church: To see a city transformed one life at a time.

After two months of working for this church, sitting under the teaching of the lead pastor, and watching the way they do ministry, it saddens me to say that life transformation to them is behavioral change. Sunday after Sunday, the sermons emphasize right living and dos and don'ts checklists rather than the heart transforming message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. An entire month's sermons focused on challenging men to be warriors. Men become warriors by living right, honoring their families, abstaining from bad things, and going to church. Week after week, the invitation consisted of an ambiguous, watered-down gospel of works.

Outreach ministry was focused on spreading the word about the church. Members were encouraged to go out and spread the message, the message of Wormwood Church. The lead pastor, Joe, told stories each week in staff meeting about church members who had shared with people in the community about how Wormwood Church and Joe had transformed their lives. People were stepping away from drugs, quitting smoking, going to church, and living better lives.

How deep does transformation really go when Christ is not the center? AA can teach people to live better lives. Buddhism teaches one to abstain from many things that harm the body. Secularists teach people to live good lives just simply for the sake of living good lives. Purposeless behavioral change does not produce eternal results. The atheist who treats everyone with respect, rarely curses, and abstains from drugs, alcohol, and sex outside of marriage is still going to hell.

No one will enter the kingdom of heaven by following the laws of not murdering, not committing adultery, not stealing, not bearing false witness, not defrauding, and honoring one's father and mother.

What about your heart!

Jesus said these things in Matthew 5:

"You have heard that the ancients were told, 'you shall not commit murder'... I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'you good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'you fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell."

"You have heard that it was said, 'you shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

"Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, 'you shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord.' But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King."

"For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven."


The scribes and Pharisees followed the law to the extent of the dotting of I's and crossing of T's. They were good people. They lived good lives. They taught the same. If your righteousness does not surpass that of the Pharisees, near perfection in following the law, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Unless your heart is truly transformed, you have not been transformed.

Peter teaches this: "Sanctify (set apart) Christ as Lord of your hearts."

Paul teaches this: "If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved... Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved."

When Paul came to minister to the Corinthian church, he said this: "I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified."

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 3 - Sketchy Discipleship

Having become quite the night owl over the past two weeks, I often roll into the driveway sometime after 11 pm. On my drive home, there is a particular establishment that, while dead during the daytime, seems to hold a greater appeal in the night hours. Jezebel's could be described by its customers as a "gentleman's" club. From this club, I have seen the very same car leaving on at least three separate nights. This vehicle appears to be a 1980-something buick blotched by rust spots on the side door and accentuated by one working headlight.

Sketchy.

A few years ago, when I was a freshman at Liberty University, there was a particular student who enjoyed climbing a particular tree outside of his dormitory. This guy would sit in that tree for hours reading everything from his history textbook to "Mere Christianity". Being a "reading tree", there was never a reason for him to go there after dark. At least, not until one night when he decided to get away to spend some time in prayer. After spending quality time with the Lord, he opened his eyes to realize that his position in the tree was directly adjacent to the windows of the girl's dorm across the sidewalk. Without thought or tact, he quickly fled down the tree falling to the ground in front of a group of girls. Now, obviously, this particular student, yours truly, meant well, but it sure was not taken that way.

Sketchy.

Merriam-Webster defines:
Pronunciation - ske - chee
Function - adjective
Date - 1805
1. Of the nature of a sketch: roughly outlined
2. Wanting in completeness, clearness, or substance: slight, superficial
3. Questionable, iffy

A Sunday night senior high youth Bible study aimed at studying the message of the gospel through the major junctions of the New Testament. A Monday night outreach Bible study aimed at presenting the gospel through studies in key Bible passages such as Gen 3, John 3, I Tim 6, and I John 2. A Tuesday afternoon youth Bible study aimed at digging deep into John and I Corinthians to answer some difficult questions. A Wednesday night youth leadership Bible study aimed at studying Romans in an attempt to understand Paul's systematic theology and the effect it should have, through true life transformation, on daily living.

Sketchy.

Wait. Did I get that right? "Dude, its just really sketchy that you went behind your pastor's back and started four Bible studies. This was utterly disrespectful to him." - the rebuke of a church staff member

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." - Jesus (Matt 28:19-20)

"Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction." Paul's command to his disciple Timothy who parallels us as disciples, therefore a command for disciples in general. (II Timothy 4:2)

"The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." Paul's command to teach men who will teach other men who will teach other men who will... you get the picture, again a command that translates to our very situation today as disciples. (II Timothy 2:2)

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." Peter's teaching that all believers are among the priesthood now and therefore have the responsibility to join in the ministry. (I Peter 2:9)

I praise Jesus for the day when the people I shepherd go out and begin their own Bible studies on their own initiative. I am going to come alongside that leader to support him. I am going to come alongside that leader to encourage him. And I am going to come alongside that leader to offer myself as a resource to him.

The day I rebuke a Christian for starting a Bible study is the day that I have made the ministry about me.

Consider the reaction of Jesus and His disciples at hearing of others working in Jesus' name:

"John said to Him, 'Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in Your name, and we tried to prevent him because he was not following us.'
But Jesus said, 'Do not hinder him, for there is no one who will perform a miracle in My name, and be able soon afterward to speak evil of Me. For he who is not against us is for us. For whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because of your name as followers of Christ, truly I say to you, he will not lose his reward.'" (Mark 9:38-41)

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 2 - En Gedi

North Carolina is my En Gedi.

In Song of Solomon, the writer compares his wife to the blessings of a place called En Gedi. In the midst of the desert of Israel, there was a desert oasis called En Gedi. Mark Driscoll paints this picture of En Gedi: "It was this amazing oasis of fresh water, trees, fruit, life. It was a wonderful place to be. It was a place of rest, refreshment, and juvenation."

North Carolina is my Sabbath.

You may not believe it, but it is true. God created everything in six days; on the seventh, he rested. This is an example for us to follow. Following periods of intense and exhausting work, God allows for us to rest and relax. Sometimes the Lord does not move as we would expect. There is a mammoth-sized task ahead of me: two years of language learning and building relationships in the mountains of Africa. Obviously, I am not the all-knowing One. It seems that He who does know all has granted me a sabbath rest preceding an upcoming task.

North Carolina is my next step.

There has been an inexplicable peace in my spirit since yesterday when I made the decision to go home. I find it interesting that there were times in Paul's ministry that God closed the door. God on a number of occassions did not allow Paul to enter Asia. This was probably for his own good. There clearly is a reason why I have not been permitted to continue in my present ministry. As the door has closed, I see the merit in refreshing and re-preparing for the years ahead.

I can not imagine Paul's struggle as he traveled to Troas in Acts 16. Not only did he spend those months traveling 500 miles through difficult terrain, but God was silent throughout the journey. Paul made the decision to take the gospel to Asia and twice God said no. God did not come and explain himself. God did not automatically present an alternative. God did not do what Paul wanted Him to do. I wish Acts 16 was less ambiguous concerning these events, I feel like there is a lot I could learn from Paul as he struggled to reestablish a connection with God.

Just as this time of pain was pivotal in the life of the apostle Paul, so the closing of my own door has been a clear growing time for me. In the end, God knew best for Paul and I consider myself blessed to see a glimpse of God's plan well before I conclude my long journey (though unlike Paul, I am flying by plane).

There is much prayer to be done.
There is much Bible study to be done.
There is much rest to be done.

I now have the opportunity to return to Wake Forest, NC and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary where I belong.

Two months are an unexpected gift.

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 1 - Slow To Speak

The following series is a window into the growth process the Lord has taken me through following my termination as a North American Mission Board summer intern. The Kansas church plant that I served will not be named, but will affectionately be called "Wormwood Church". I write these posts because it is important for Christians to learn to discern truth from error. At the same time, it is not my place to attack this church specifically. Paul writes to the church in Rome: "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." I was responsible as a member of this church to hold them to the truth, but as an outsider I cede that responsibility to those who remain.



"This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." - James 1:19

I love the book "The Green Letters" and would recommend it to anyone. Miles Sanford uses a fantastic analogy in the second chapter concerning Christian growth. Consider the mighty oak tree. A strong oak tree requires many years of growth. Science has taught us that the growth of the oak tree occurs in phases. For three months of the year an oak tree develops a new ring of pulpy flesh; the oak tree grows outward. The other nine months of the year, this ring is strengthened; the growth solidifies. This is comparable to the Christian life. We too go through cycles of rapid growth followed by solidification.

Right now is a major outward growth time for me. There are multiple conjectures I could make from this statement. One of which is that these lessons will probably be solidified in my life over the next year as I learn a new language in a foreign land.

Growing does not necessarily mean learning new things. In the last few days, the Lord has made the well-known verse James 1:19 (see above) a necessity for my growth. In the midst of countless rebukes the night of my dismissal, I so badly wanted to defend myself. There were so many things that I wanted to say, but at just the right time "be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry" invaded my mind. Can I get "Holy Spirit" for 400 please?

By fighting, defending myself, and creating an argument (with five already edgy church staffers, at that), I would have proven myself a fool, according to Proverbs. "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." There is some truth in every accusation, the question is, how much? I will openly admit that part of the rebuke I received contained some truth. For the mistakes I made, I should be held accountable. But in the end, I was an intern. Interns are expected to make mistakes. What most disappointed me in the way my pastors dealt with me, was that they never attempted to discuss these issues. Speaking the truth in love, I was very open about the differences I saw between the church and what is taught in Scripture. But my leadership was not interested in having an adult conversation with me.

I am going to be spending a lot of time praying, consulting God's word, and seeking godly counsel from my good friends at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary over the coming weeks in order to use this as preparation for my two year term in Africa. I know, more than anyone else, that there were failures this summer. But it is difficult to be rebuked for many things that in God's eyes were not failures.

I suppose the reason it was so hard to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, slower to become angry" was because of the nature of much of the rebuke. I know that Proverbs is not meant to be an end in itself and must be read in conjunction with books like Job and Ecclesiastes, but there is great wisdom in what can be found there. Proverbs 18:17 teaches: "The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him." There are two sides to every coin; two sides to every story. The fact that one-sided accusations were leveled at me made it very difficult to silence myself. I suppose that is why a conversation typically proves more useful than an attack.

But this is certainly not the last time I will come under fire. Grow and move on, right? There is much more growth to take from my summer as I process through everything. I know the Lord will use it to further His kingdom, and I am not just talking in a numerical sense, but also in a depth sense.

I am reminded of the prophet Jeremiah. Yes, I am slightly paralleling myself to the weeping prophet. I can not imagine the pain and anguish he must have felt writing the book of Lamentations. I can see him beginning to formulate his thoughts for the book as he is hauled off to Babylon, tears in his eyes, wondering if God really is faithful. This is a book of God's wrath on a wicked people and their sin. But there is a ray of hope in the midst of Israel's judgment.

"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail." - Lam. 3:22

As the church of America continues its descent... His lovingkindness never ceases, His compassions never fail.

On a Less Serious Note: Defense

I love baseball. I love giving 110% and I love seeing other people give 110%. In fact, I'm the guy who plays second base in one of the city's summer leagues that just can't seem to leave a game without bleeding from somewhere. If the ball is remotely close, I'm diving for it. Sometimes my efforts pay off, sometimes not.

A few weeks ago we were in a close game with a rival team. In the top of the third inning they came up to bat. With two men on and one out, the batter hit a line drive that looked as if it would go perfectly through the infield. Playing second base at the time, I saw the ball come off the bat and immediately took a large step out of my ready stance. I planted my left foot and fully extended my body towards left field. At the peak of my extension, I felt the pull of my glove towards center field as I crashed to the dirt. From the ground, I flipped the ball up to the shortstop standing at second base just a second too late for the double play as the runner had been alert and not advanced more than a few steps. As I got up, I brushed the dirt off the front of my shirt and wiped away some blood from my knee. With one out left, there was more defense to be had.

I love baseball and if I'm relegated to playing slow pitch softball or even cricket until I'm an old man, then so be it. But I love the game. And I love great defense. So here are the best defensive plays in the major leagues for the month of July. Thanks to ESPN, here's the video.

When My Head and Heart Don't Agree

Why is it so hard to live what we know is true?

For example, Paul proves the resurrection of Jesus in I Corinthians 15. He gives five proofs, but let's just look at the first one. Paul uses the first eight verses to establish the resurrection as historical fact by bringing over 500 people to the witness stand. He clarifies this gospel, saying, "the gospel which I preached to you, which also you recieved, in which also you stand, by which also you are saved." Next, he names all those who saw the risen Jesus; the line to the witness stand looks to be at least 512 people long! That would pass in ANY courtroom. "Here's your proof!" he says.

THEN, he applies it to living: "be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord." He begins with what a man can know with his head. A man can possess the knowledge that Jesus Christ rose from the dead. Then he gives instructions for how a man must live out this knowledge. Because Jesus rose from the dead, a man's heart can be free to stand strong on the solid foundation of the gospel. Because we know that the resurrection power applied to Jesus, we can follow him unwaveringly. Because Jesus could not be stopped by the grave, you cannot be stopped by anything!

But do I live that way? Do you live that way? Does the American church live that way? History proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Savior of the world rose from the dead, but do we understand how to know it with our hearts? Why is it so difficult to live out what we so clearly know with our heads? Yeah, sure, its easy to get on a spiritual high and be steadfast for a week or two. Its easy to abound in the work of the Lord in the midst of a missions trip to a far country. But what about today? How easy is it to forget head knowledge when the clouds roll in over the heart?

Often, I wish my inner struggle was not so pervasive. Sometimes, the why of my struggle escapes me completely. I understand my role at this stage of life very clearly, yet I have to fight so hard to keep the line of communication open between this head knowledge and my heart. I am not a senior pastor at First Baptist Church, and for good reason. I am no longer in the season where I hold the position of resident assistant at Liberty University. There is no youth group that looks to me for shepherding week in and week out. My life greatly lacks stability, by design!

I am the epitome of single guy. And this will not change for years. That's right, not tomorrow or next week, I will be single until at least 2012. But I fully understand my purpose. My role is to move around and take advantage of any and every opportunity that the Lord sends my way. If I bring no other challenge, I must challenge people with the life-transforming message of Jesus Christ. If I leave nothing else in the wake of my travels, I need to leave a gospel awareness wherever I go. This gospel is for the lost. This gospel is for the saved. This gospel is for my church, my small group, and my life.

I know my role, yet sometimes it is so hard to keep going. I struggle with loneliness. I struggle with this lack of stability. And I struggle with just being constantly worn down. In my head, I know what I want. In my head, there is a destination. In my head, I understand the purpose behind this gospel-focused vagabond lifestyle. But there are occasions where my heart just does not agree. My heart just does not want to hear it. My heart is deceitful and wicked and only wants its own. My heart leads me into pride, lust, and wordly wants.

Paul says, "imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ." With this statement, my head is in full agreement, but my heart is dragging its feet. I love the role that Paul took on; that is the role I want to fill. Paul was the ultimate single guy accomplishing the ultimate single guy's task. Everywhere he went, He worked himself out of a job. He came, he saw, he discipled... and he moved on. I want to be just like Paul.

I wonder if he had to endure the same struggles that I find in myself. I desperately want to sit down with him and have a conversation. I want to know what his heart was saying all along. I know that Paul was just a man, but he's my Clark Kent. Was Paul's heart his cryptonite? Did his heart bring him down the way mine so often does? Did his heart, like mine, lead him astray into pride, lust, and worldly wants? Oh, how I wish I had the same strength, love, and humility that Paul had.

But maybe that is the answer. Paul was not the cause of his strength, love, and humility. It was not because of Paul that Paul could be "steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord." This is a job that only Christ can accomplish. Every ounce of Paul's strength, love, and humility was Christ living through Him. He was fully surrendered to his Savior. Maybe, just maybe, it was his total surrender to Jesus that bridged the gap between his head and his heart. That is not to say he never struggled like I do, but he understood far greater than I what it means to truly surrender.