Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 8 - New Beginnings

From the beginning of time, humans of all cultures have recognized certain numbers as having greater significance than others. Some cultures have understood these differences in terms of power. Some see numerical differences in terms of luck. And some cultures view these differences as symbolic, yet potentially prophetic.

Think about our culture. What comes to mind when you see the number 13? Unlucky, right? Due to the superstitions surrounding this number, many buildings do not have a 13th floor and Friday the 13th is a well known anti-holiday. Another number that catches people's attention is 666. This is known to be a Biblical number pointing to anti-christ. Occurrences of this number have, at times, provoked some to fear an impending cataclysmic end to the world. Some cultures do not know or understand the background and circumstances surrounding their symbolic numbers. Joe Plumber can not tell you where or when 13 became an unlucky number. Even 666 may be inaccurate. Due to a possible manuscript error, the number 666 may have replaced the original 616.

In ancient Hebrew and early Christian history numbers played a major role both prophetically and symbolically, and more importantly these cultures understood the significance and background of each number. One of the most well known numbers is 12. There were 12 tribes of Israel. There were 12 disciples. There will be 12 gates by which to enter the New Jerusalem. This number signifies rule and governmental authority. Another important number is 3. This is a number of substance and completion. This is the number of the trinity, the number of festivals in the Hebrew calendar, and the number of divisions of the Old Testament. Other numbers familiar to the Christian faith are 7, 40, and 666 (or 616). But there is one other major number found in the Bible: 8.

This is the 8th and final post concerning my internship with Wormwood Church in Kansas. The number 8 is a very important number in the Bible. This is the number of new beginnings. The flood is a prime example of this idea of new beginning. Early in man's history, God's wrath and judgment was poured out on all mankind in a devastating, worldwide flood. Noah survived the waters with his wife, his three sons, and their wives. There were left 8 total survivors to begin a new era of human history; a new beginning to mankind.

Prior to the flood, in Genesis 1, God created the heavens and the earth in 6 days, rested on the 7th, and the 8th day was a day of new beginning. Day 8 marked the end of the creation cycle and the beginning of man's reign on the earth. Logically, the eighth day of the week stands in correlation with the first day of the week. When day 8 of the week arrives, the new week begins. Christ was crucified on day 6 of the week marking the end of his work, enjoyed heaven with the Father on day 7, and rose from the dead on day 8. The resurrection of our Lord and Savior marks the most important new beginning for Christians.

From post number 8, I move on to a new beginning in my life.

A major period of my life has come to an end. On this day, I celebrate a new year in my life, my 23rd. As I look back, I have spent 22 years learning, growing, and training. After 12 years of school, 4 years of Bible college, a year at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, and my first official church internship, I am now ready, at the age of 23, to begin the work for which I was made. I begin a new life focused on Arab culture, life, and relationships. I begin studying Arabic and interacting with a whole new world of lost people. This is not to say that I have no plans to finish my masters and work toward a doctorate, but these degrees will be more focused than any schooling that I have done thus far. Jesus and missiology will be the goal of all my education from this point forward.

This is my new beginning.

As the 8th day marks the new week, the 23rd year marks the new epoch of my life.

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 7 - Forgiveness

"But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions." - Matt 6:15

"And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart." - Matt 18:34-35

"Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions." - Mark 11:25-26

"Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying 'I repent,' forgive him." - Luke 17:3-4

This is Jesus on the topic of forgiving others. Forgiveness is necessary in the Christian life. We, as sinners, have been forgiven a great debt. In view of this great and wonderful eternal forgiveness, we must learn to forgive comparatively minor and insignificant debts though they may seem catastrophic to our earthly lives.

Right now, forgiveness for me looks like this:
Learning how to pray for Wormwood Church and its leadership in a godly manner.

This does not mean putting aside our differences, but praying that God guides this staff into truth. This does not mean asking God for the massive numbers of people they want, but praying for the spiritual growth of those who are there. This does not mean seeking the church's downfall, but that it would move in the right direction. This means praying that the staff would repent of sin, stubbornness, wrong thinking, and unsound doctrine and ground themselves fully on Scripture.

Forgiveness is not spewing gossip and angry talk to everyone I know. But, forgiveness may include a righteous indignation like that of David towards Saul. If you recall, David pleaded to God to deal with Saul. Yet, at the same time, David left vengeance and wrath for God. In a dark, seemingly empty cave, he stealthily used his knife to cut off a piece of Saul's garment rather than slitting his neck.

God will judge. God will carry out wrath. God will change or not change hearts. I accept that. Therefore, I will pray and speak accordingly. And when I do not, I myself must repent and have repented.

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 6 - Painful Ministry

The door swung open to reveal a deep, black void waiting just beyond the threshold of dim light cast by the outdoor floodlights. With thoughts and emotions swirling all around my head, I stumbled in closing the door behind me. Dragging my feet along the tile floor, I did not care to turn on the light as my full weight was left to crash to the hard surface. Darkness. Surrounding me. Filling me. the darkness seemed a volatile attack on my entire being. I was, seemingly, alone. Alone with my thoughts.

But, of course, I knew better.

As tears streamed down my face, the pain covered over my proverbial heart. I cried out to God in words I can not now recall. The scene was cast so vividly in my mind. I had gone with the sole intention of hearing him out. Discipline was a non-issue; leveraging my position would be useless at this point. I desperately wanted to counsel him and allow Scripture to speak to the circumstance, but he would hear none of it. "Dude, don't waste your time praying for me. I don't care about you or God."

A former small group leader on the dorm and current worship leader at a local church, he had opened up to me the depths of his double life. Drunkenness. Drugs. Girls. Sin was choking out his desire for Christ. He had bought into the lie that causes so many to devote life to selfish gratification. Confusion and pain invaded me as his hardness of heart strengthened before my very eyes.

Back in my quad, I confessed utter insufficiency to God. This pain was unbearable. If God could take it away. If He could remove me from this responsibility. If He could just... answer me.

Over the past months, I had begun to understand the nature of the task assigned to my life. To shepherd a group of men is to accept the cross-hairs aimed at one's chest. At times, I had embraced my role with joy. But, more often than not, I wanted nothing more than to yield the responsibility to someone else. The pain often seemed to outweigh the joys.

Pain will always be present when a man strives to understand the hearts of other men.
Pain will always be present when a man strives to speak truth with love into every situation.
Pain will always be present when Scripture remains the inerrant, inexorable truth by which a man founds his life and work.

For a year, as a junior at Liberty University, I struggled through the difficult challenge of attempting to shepherd a group of 40 sophomores and juniors who, for the most part, just did not want anything to do with me. This represented my most difficult year of college. But it prepared me for the reality in ministry that most people will hate me and the message that I bring. My responsibility is to love men and speak truth, no matter what.

Three years later, I find myself in Kansas continuing the work of planting small groups, discipling young believers, and training new small group leaders. Little did I know to what extent those hard fought lessons of the past would come back to test me again. I find that God allows His children to go through harder and harder experiences as they develop in spiritual maturity. By His grace, each painful situation prepares us for the next.

Though I Corinthians 10:13 directly applies to temptation, I believe the principle can easily be translated to the painful ordeals of life and godliness. "No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it."

As an intern at Wormwood Church, my work for the Lord was not attacked by those to whom I was ministering. The Lord had taken me through that battle. I had already been equipped to meet the opposition of those under me. Though, not an easy task, it is now one for which I am always ready. This summer, it was the leadership over me that fired the arrows. It is one thing to discern and correct error in a young believer or an unbeliever, but a wholly other issue to confront sin and unsound teaching with those who are supposed to be the spiritual leaders of the church.

John deals with this in I John 4:1, "Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world." Francis Schaffer taught men to test and question everything. Not everyone in a position of leadership can be followed. Not every pastor can be trusted. Hebrews deals with all Christians as brothers, not separating leaders from followers, when it says "let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds." When it comes to testing the spirits, there are no lines or heirarchies to stand between pastors and laymen. All men are equal in the sight of God and must be accountable for their actions and teaching.

The past four years since I stepped up to be a discipler have been difficult. I have been tested over and over. Some tests were brief confirmations. Others were long and drawn out; these agonizing ordeals have forced me to expand my spiritual pain tolerance. Paul learned endurance through many such trials. He tells the church of Corinth, "For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life."

I have not despaired of life. Yet. That day, that trial is coming. But my comforts continue to build. The diversity of comforts the Lord has given me is vast. And there is only room for more. These comforts are not for my sake. Therefore, the painful trials I endure are not wholly for my sake.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ."
- II Corinthians 1:3-5

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 5 - Kingdom Building

The year of our Lord 1096 marked the beginning of a 200 year period of Crusades that saw hundreds of thousands of European Christians travel to Jerusalem to take back the promised land. Amidst the cries of Peter the Hermit, men all over Europe left everything for sake of the kingdom of heaven and, of course, to gain even greater wealth and power. Army after army of self-proclaimed Christians traveled to Jerusalem to loot, kill, and claim power and land fighting anyone who could satiate their greed. Many Muslims were slaughtered by crusaders. Many Christians were slaughtered by crusaders. Many innocent men, women, and children were slaughtered by crusaders. Christians built vast empires and gained power and fame during this time. These are kingdoms that will not pass through the fire on Judgment Day.

The second Sunday of August, I met with the lead pastor, Joe, and the two elders at Village Inn Restaurant at 9:30pm. I had gone into the meeting simply wanting to know if I would be leading the week's missions team that had come to help. I was blindsided when Joe and the elders told me that there was no more work left for me to do at Wormwood Church. "For us to just keep making up things for you to do would be a waste of your time and our time." I was told that I had the week to "make arrangements to leave." Furthermore, I was told to tell no one that I was leaving, I was to just leave.

I sat there in shock and silence. When these three had said what they came to say I was nearly speechless. The only words I could muster were a weak "thank you for your time" as I excused myself from the table. As I sat in my room that night, Joe's words echoed in my head, "We want to be completely honest with you, there is just no more work for you to do here." This did not make sense to me, the church had just hired two new interns to come in and help with the youth and media aspects of the church. I was leading three Bible studies a week and sometimes getting together with kids that had questions in between. I was a key leader in the youth group and had just taken on the roll of reforming, organizing, and re-energizing the Sunday morning children's ministry. Not only that, the church paid me nothing! I was free labor.

As I was making my arrangements that week, I emailed Joe five times asking him to meet me face to face. Finally, my fifth email, sent Wednesday morning, provoked a response. In this email, I informed him that I would not book a plane ticket out of Kansas until he met with me face to face. It was Wednesday afternoon when he finally responded via his blackberry that received email anywhere. He wanted to meet that night at 10:30pm at Applebee's.

After sitting and waiting for five minutes, Joe walked into Applebee's at 10:35pm. Behind Joe came his wife and volunteer coordinator, Michelle, the 21-year-old administrative assistant, Amanda, the 21-year-old worship pastor, Jordan, and the discipleship pastor, Rich, a Christian for the past three years. I asked Joe if we could talk alone and he responded by making me aware of how great an inconvenience this meeting was to the church staff. To this I responded by laying out the contradiction between the actual level of my involvement with the church and his words from Sunday night. For the next 40 minutes, I endured a constant barrage of one-sided accusations and Scripture-less rebukes for everything I had done wrong over the past two months. They attacked my character, my discipleship methods, my personality, and my work for the summer. Like a good soccer team, everyone touched the ball multiple times, everyone but me.

Some of my "shortcomings" I shared in my previous posts. These charges included starting four Bible studies behind the pastor's back, taking the youth out to teach them how to do street evangelism, and being "divisively against the church's vision". Some of my shortcomings were valid; I made mistakes as the leader of the childrens' program. But, these mistakes were not the trumped up disasters that the staff threw in my face. These were rookie errors that I certainly would have repented of had they been brought to my attention one-on-one, in love.

What really caught my attention was this statement made by at least three people and agreed upon by all: "We live and die by this vision. We have sacrificed for this vision. Nothing will stand in the way of our vision; anything that does must go."

Everyone is building up a kingdom. Some people build their kingdoms with material things such as stone, brick, and mortar. Some build their kingdoms on immaterial things like fame and a well-known name. Others build onto the kingdom of heaven by faith and hope in what is unseen. The kingdom of heaven has already been founded. This kingdom has Jesus Christ laid down as the corner-stone from the beginning of time.

The kingdom of heaven is not built upon by marketing one's own name and gaining popularity. Paul teaches in II Timothy 4 that "the time will come when [the people] will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires, and will turn away their ears from the truth and will turn aside to myths."

The kingdom of heaven is not built upon by living according to II Timothy 3, but I Timothy 3. Paul warns, in the former, against men who are "lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."

But, on the contrary, these are the qualifications of an elder from I Timothy 3: "An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money,... and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil."

The kingdom of heaven is not built upon by standing firm upon one's own vision, but on Christ as the firm foundation. A man who wants to start a club may do as he pleases, but a church is different. There are parameters for a church and the authority rests squarely on God's revealed Word. When one man begins a church and runs the show his way without yielding to wise counsel or the Bible itself, the kingdom of heaven is not being built, but man's kingdom; Wormwood's kingdom.

John warns against a man named Diotrephes in the book of III John. Diotrephes was a man who started off on the right foot and was placed in the position of leadership in a particular church in Asia Minor. John says, "I wrote something to the church; but Diotrephes, who loves to be first among them, does not accept what we say. For this reason, if I come, I will call attention to his deeds which he does, unjustly accusing us with wicked words; and not satisfied with this, he himself does not receive the brethren, either, and he forbids those who desire to do so and puts them out of the church. Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. The one who does good is of God; the one who does evil has not seen God." Diotrephes was building his own kingdom and any man who stood in his way was cast out along with those who agreed with said man.

Now, I myself may not be the wisest of counsel, or the most godly of brethren, but I am one of three staff members who were asked to leave this church. The youth pastor, a College at Southeastern graduate, and his wife were also asked to leave despite the success they had seen in youth ministry. The common denominator between the three of us was:
1. We held to Scripture as the complete and final authority.
2. We challenged the pastor to seek Biblical solutions to major church issues.
3. We followed the great commission to make disciples at every opportunity available.

History and experience teach that not every evangelist, pastor, elder, or deacon builds on the firm foundation of Jesus Christ. What allows these men and their churches to go astray? Lack of accountability. When the church and its leadership maintain a healthy, Biblical accountability relationship, the church will prosper to the glory of God and the advancement of the kingdom of heaven. The Diotrephes' of the faith who dodge and forbid accountability will lead the church into error every time.

In His sermon on the mount, Jesus gives clear teaching on the kingdom of heaven and who belongs:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

"Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 4 - Life Transformation

The vision of Wormwood Church is to see a city transformed one life at a time by honoring God and building healthy relationships at the speed of life.


"Father, you alone are good. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your sustenance and the rest which you provide to the Son of Man. Your kingdom come, your will be done."

"Let us now go to Jerusalem," He said to the others as He pointed west.

Passing through the city gates, He stepped onto the cool, wet grass. The brisk morning breeze was slowly sweeping away the morning mists that yet blocked out the waking sun. Following behind him were the quiet twelve still rubbing the sleep from their eyes. Soon John and James would be arguing amongst themselves. The weary Peter would attempt to make peace as Judas instigated from the rear. Today, He could not afford to allow arguments to slow the pace as Jerusalem was His week's end goal. To accomplish this the troupe needed to ford the Jordan before evening prevented further travel. If they could pass through the last portion of Judea to the Jordan by the 6th hour, they would be making very good time.

Accustomed to the disciples' morning lethargy, Jesus often woke before the first hour of the day to spend time alone with His Father. Today, He had woken earlier than usual and now was afforded even more time to think to himself before the disciples fully awoke. The past weeks spent in Judea had drained him of all human strength. He had taught and healed day after day and at night, when he could finally get away from the crowds, there was even more work to do with the disciples. The only strength He had left to rely on was that which came from the Father through daily communion. This journey to Jerusalem would be another tiring test, but maybe, just maybe, once in Jerusalem there would be a day or two of rest. It seems as though...

"Teacher, teacher!"

He had not seen the young man chasing Him from the city. "Teacher, wait!" he cried as he bent over in front of Jesus to collect himself and catch his breath. Before looking up again to the master, he dropped his knee to the dirt in honor. As he knelt, he breathed heavily and said, "Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"

Jesus, noticing that the disciples were now wide awake and intrigued by the question, replied with his own question, " Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." This loaded question asked by the young man had necessitated an appropriate response from the Master. Jesus, knowing the young man's heart, wanted to challenge him to move past simply thinking about what he should do.

The young man refrained from answering, still holding out hope that Jesus would give Him an easy answer. He had heard about Jesus and His many miracles. He had even heard that Jesus could be the long awaited Messiah. Because of this, he was prepared to make a commitment to Jesus. Maybe he could provide monetary support, he was very good for that. Perhaps, even, he could house Jesus and His disciples to show his support. There must be something he could do, some next step.

Breaking the silence, Jesus said, "You know the commandments, 'do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not bear false witness, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'"

His heart leaped at the reminder of his parents' teachings. From youth his parents had taught him to follow all these commands. "Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth up!" What a confirmation this was for the young man to know that everything he was doing was right! Mother and Father would be so proud of him to know that the Messiah approved of him and his works.

But Jesus had not yet finished. Looking upon this young man in love, He knew what was said next would be painful. For He knew the young man was wealthy and a ruler and had many men who served him. The young man had worked hard early in his life and apprenticed with a good master. After proving himself, he had been elevated to a high position. Even his peers respected this young man and his work ethic. Not only that, they knew him to be a righteous man who held firm to the law and honored all men.

Jesus, spoke the words that needed to be said to the young man, "One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."

At this, the young man's entire countenance fell. His eyes began to fill with tears at the realization of what Jesus had told him. The cost was too great. Had he not already done enough to earn God's favor? Did the good life that he was already living count for nothing? The young man, crushed, said nothing more. He walked away and never saw Jesus again.


What does life transformation mean? There are two very different understandings of life transformation in the American church. These views are no different than those with which the early church wrestled. In this story, found in Mark 10:17-22, Jesus represented true life transformation through a heart change, while the rich young ruler wanted good outward behavior to be enough.

Let me reiterate the vision of Wormwood Church: To see a city transformed one life at a time.

After two months of working for this church, sitting under the teaching of the lead pastor, and watching the way they do ministry, it saddens me to say that life transformation to them is behavioral change. Sunday after Sunday, the sermons emphasize right living and dos and don'ts checklists rather than the heart transforming message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. An entire month's sermons focused on challenging men to be warriors. Men become warriors by living right, honoring their families, abstaining from bad things, and going to church. Week after week, the invitation consisted of an ambiguous, watered-down gospel of works.

Outreach ministry was focused on spreading the word about the church. Members were encouraged to go out and spread the message, the message of Wormwood Church. The lead pastor, Joe, told stories each week in staff meeting about church members who had shared with people in the community about how Wormwood Church and Joe had transformed their lives. People were stepping away from drugs, quitting smoking, going to church, and living better lives.

How deep does transformation really go when Christ is not the center? AA can teach people to live better lives. Buddhism teaches one to abstain from many things that harm the body. Secularists teach people to live good lives just simply for the sake of living good lives. Purposeless behavioral change does not produce eternal results. The atheist who treats everyone with respect, rarely curses, and abstains from drugs, alcohol, and sex outside of marriage is still going to hell.

No one will enter the kingdom of heaven by following the laws of not murdering, not committing adultery, not stealing, not bearing false witness, not defrauding, and honoring one's father and mother.

What about your heart!

Jesus said these things in Matthew 5:

"You have heard that the ancients were told, 'you shall not commit murder'... I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, 'you good-for-nothing,' shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, 'you fool,' shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell."

"You have heard that it was said, 'you shall not commit adultery'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

"Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, 'you shall not make false vows, but shall fulfill your vows to the Lord.' But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King."

"For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven."


The scribes and Pharisees followed the law to the extent of the dotting of I's and crossing of T's. They were good people. They lived good lives. They taught the same. If your righteousness does not surpass that of the Pharisees, near perfection in following the law, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

Unless your heart is truly transformed, you have not been transformed.

Peter teaches this: "Sanctify (set apart) Christ as Lord of your hearts."

Paul teaches this: "If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved... Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved."

When Paul came to minister to the Corinthian church, he said this: "I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified."

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 3 - Sketchy Discipleship

Having become quite the night owl over the past two weeks, I often roll into the driveway sometime after 11 pm. On my drive home, there is a particular establishment that, while dead during the daytime, seems to hold a greater appeal in the night hours. Jezebel's could be described by its customers as a "gentleman's" club. From this club, I have seen the very same car leaving on at least three separate nights. This vehicle appears to be a 1980-something buick blotched by rust spots on the side door and accentuated by one working headlight.

Sketchy.

A few years ago, when I was a freshman at Liberty University, there was a particular student who enjoyed climbing a particular tree outside of his dormitory. This guy would sit in that tree for hours reading everything from his history textbook to "Mere Christianity". Being a "reading tree", there was never a reason for him to go there after dark. At least, not until one night when he decided to get away to spend some time in prayer. After spending quality time with the Lord, he opened his eyes to realize that his position in the tree was directly adjacent to the windows of the girl's dorm across the sidewalk. Without thought or tact, he quickly fled down the tree falling to the ground in front of a group of girls. Now, obviously, this particular student, yours truly, meant well, but it sure was not taken that way.

Sketchy.

Merriam-Webster defines:
Pronunciation - ske - chee
Function - adjective
Date - 1805
1. Of the nature of a sketch: roughly outlined
2. Wanting in completeness, clearness, or substance: slight, superficial
3. Questionable, iffy

A Sunday night senior high youth Bible study aimed at studying the message of the gospel through the major junctions of the New Testament. A Monday night outreach Bible study aimed at presenting the gospel through studies in key Bible passages such as Gen 3, John 3, I Tim 6, and I John 2. A Tuesday afternoon youth Bible study aimed at digging deep into John and I Corinthians to answer some difficult questions. A Wednesday night youth leadership Bible study aimed at studying Romans in an attempt to understand Paul's systematic theology and the effect it should have, through true life transformation, on daily living.

Sketchy.

Wait. Did I get that right? "Dude, its just really sketchy that you went behind your pastor's back and started four Bible studies. This was utterly disrespectful to him." - the rebuke of a church staff member

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." - Jesus (Matt 28:19-20)

"Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort, with great patience and instruction." Paul's command to his disciple Timothy who parallels us as disciples, therefore a command for disciples in general. (II Timothy 4:2)

"The things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, entrust these to faithful men who will be able to teach others also." Paul's command to teach men who will teach other men who will teach other men who will... you get the picture, again a command that translates to our very situation today as disciples. (II Timothy 2:2)

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." Peter's teaching that all believers are among the priesthood now and therefore have the responsibility to join in the ministry. (I Peter 2:9)

I praise Jesus for the day when the people I shepherd go out and begin their own Bible studies on their own initiative. I am going to come alongside that leader to support him. I am going to come alongside that leader to encourage him. And I am going to come alongside that leader to offer myself as a resource to him.

The day I rebuke a Christian for starting a Bible study is the day that I have made the ministry about me.

Consider the reaction of Jesus and His disciples at hearing of others working in Jesus' name:

"John said to Him, 'Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in Your name, and we tried to prevent him because he was not following us.'
But Jesus said, 'Do not hinder him, for there is no one who will perform a miracle in My name, and be able soon afterward to speak evil of Me. For he who is not against us is for us. For whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because of your name as followers of Christ, truly I say to you, he will not lose his reward.'" (Mark 9:38-41)

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 2 - En Gedi

North Carolina is my En Gedi.

In Song of Solomon, the writer compares his wife to the blessings of a place called En Gedi. In the midst of the desert of Israel, there was a desert oasis called En Gedi. Mark Driscoll paints this picture of En Gedi: "It was this amazing oasis of fresh water, trees, fruit, life. It was a wonderful place to be. It was a place of rest, refreshment, and juvenation."

North Carolina is my Sabbath.

You may not believe it, but it is true. God created everything in six days; on the seventh, he rested. This is an example for us to follow. Following periods of intense and exhausting work, God allows for us to rest and relax. Sometimes the Lord does not move as we would expect. There is a mammoth-sized task ahead of me: two years of language learning and building relationships in the mountains of Africa. Obviously, I am not the all-knowing One. It seems that He who does know all has granted me a sabbath rest preceding an upcoming task.

North Carolina is my next step.

There has been an inexplicable peace in my spirit since yesterday when I made the decision to go home. I find it interesting that there were times in Paul's ministry that God closed the door. God on a number of occassions did not allow Paul to enter Asia. This was probably for his own good. There clearly is a reason why I have not been permitted to continue in my present ministry. As the door has closed, I see the merit in refreshing and re-preparing for the years ahead.

I can not imagine Paul's struggle as he traveled to Troas in Acts 16. Not only did he spend those months traveling 500 miles through difficult terrain, but God was silent throughout the journey. Paul made the decision to take the gospel to Asia and twice God said no. God did not come and explain himself. God did not automatically present an alternative. God did not do what Paul wanted Him to do. I wish Acts 16 was less ambiguous concerning these events, I feel like there is a lot I could learn from Paul as he struggled to reestablish a connection with God.

Just as this time of pain was pivotal in the life of the apostle Paul, so the closing of my own door has been a clear growing time for me. In the end, God knew best for Paul and I consider myself blessed to see a glimpse of God's plan well before I conclude my long journey (though unlike Paul, I am flying by plane).

There is much prayer to be done.
There is much Bible study to be done.
There is much rest to be done.

I now have the opportunity to return to Wake Forest, NC and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary where I belong.

Two months are an unexpected gift.

Failed Internship? Or, an Opportunity for Growth: Part 1 - Slow To Speak

The following series is a window into the growth process the Lord has taken me through following my termination as a North American Mission Board summer intern. The Kansas church plant that I served will not be named, but will affectionately be called "Wormwood Church". I write these posts because it is important for Christians to learn to discern truth from error. At the same time, it is not my place to attack this church specifically. Paul writes to the church in Rome: "Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay,' says the Lord." I was responsible as a member of this church to hold them to the truth, but as an outsider I cede that responsibility to those who remain.



"This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger." - James 1:19

I love the book "The Green Letters" and would recommend it to anyone. Miles Sanford uses a fantastic analogy in the second chapter concerning Christian growth. Consider the mighty oak tree. A strong oak tree requires many years of growth. Science has taught us that the growth of the oak tree occurs in phases. For three months of the year an oak tree develops a new ring of pulpy flesh; the oak tree grows outward. The other nine months of the year, this ring is strengthened; the growth solidifies. This is comparable to the Christian life. We too go through cycles of rapid growth followed by solidification.

Right now is a major outward growth time for me. There are multiple conjectures I could make from this statement. One of which is that these lessons will probably be solidified in my life over the next year as I learn a new language in a foreign land.

Growing does not necessarily mean learning new things. In the last few days, the Lord has made the well-known verse James 1:19 (see above) a necessity for my growth. In the midst of countless rebukes the night of my dismissal, I so badly wanted to defend myself. There were so many things that I wanted to say, but at just the right time "be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry" invaded my mind. Can I get "Holy Spirit" for 400 please?

By fighting, defending myself, and creating an argument (with five already edgy church staffers, at that), I would have proven myself a fool, according to Proverbs. "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." There is some truth in every accusation, the question is, how much? I will openly admit that part of the rebuke I received contained some truth. For the mistakes I made, I should be held accountable. But in the end, I was an intern. Interns are expected to make mistakes. What most disappointed me in the way my pastors dealt with me, was that they never attempted to discuss these issues. Speaking the truth in love, I was very open about the differences I saw between the church and what is taught in Scripture. But my leadership was not interested in having an adult conversation with me.

I am going to be spending a lot of time praying, consulting God's word, and seeking godly counsel from my good friends at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary over the coming weeks in order to use this as preparation for my two year term in Africa. I know, more than anyone else, that there were failures this summer. But it is difficult to be rebuked for many things that in God's eyes were not failures.

I suppose the reason it was so hard to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, slower to become angry" was because of the nature of much of the rebuke. I know that Proverbs is not meant to be an end in itself and must be read in conjunction with books like Job and Ecclesiastes, but there is great wisdom in what can be found there. Proverbs 18:17 teaches: "The first to plead his case seems right, until another comes and examines him." There are two sides to every coin; two sides to every story. The fact that one-sided accusations were leveled at me made it very difficult to silence myself. I suppose that is why a conversation typically proves more useful than an attack.

But this is certainly not the last time I will come under fire. Grow and move on, right? There is much more growth to take from my summer as I process through everything. I know the Lord will use it to further His kingdom, and I am not just talking in a numerical sense, but also in a depth sense.

I am reminded of the prophet Jeremiah. Yes, I am slightly paralleling myself to the weeping prophet. I can not imagine the pain and anguish he must have felt writing the book of Lamentations. I can see him beginning to formulate his thoughts for the book as he is hauled off to Babylon, tears in his eyes, wondering if God really is faithful. This is a book of God's wrath on a wicked people and their sin. But there is a ray of hope in the midst of Israel's judgment.

"The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail." - Lam. 3:22

As the church of America continues its descent... His lovingkindness never ceases, His compassions never fail.

On a Less Serious Note: Defense

I love baseball. I love giving 110% and I love seeing other people give 110%. In fact, I'm the guy who plays second base in one of the city's summer leagues that just can't seem to leave a game without bleeding from somewhere. If the ball is remotely close, I'm diving for it. Sometimes my efforts pay off, sometimes not.

A few weeks ago we were in a close game with a rival team. In the top of the third inning they came up to bat. With two men on and one out, the batter hit a line drive that looked as if it would go perfectly through the infield. Playing second base at the time, I saw the ball come off the bat and immediately took a large step out of my ready stance. I planted my left foot and fully extended my body towards left field. At the peak of my extension, I felt the pull of my glove towards center field as I crashed to the dirt. From the ground, I flipped the ball up to the shortstop standing at second base just a second too late for the double play as the runner had been alert and not advanced more than a few steps. As I got up, I brushed the dirt off the front of my shirt and wiped away some blood from my knee. With one out left, there was more defense to be had.

I love baseball and if I'm relegated to playing slow pitch softball or even cricket until I'm an old man, then so be it. But I love the game. And I love great defense. So here are the best defensive plays in the major leagues for the month of July. Thanks to ESPN, here's the video.